Saturday, March 31, 2012

Dumb Stupid

I left One Love on a mission yesterday.  My mission was to meet a new person I met on the dating site I talked about in my HA HA tab.  Against my better judgement I agreed to come down to Santa Cruz for the weekend to see how we fared out in person. The meeting wasn't what I expected or hoped for.

Lovin' Self these days!
I am sure you want to know what happened and the truth is I want to tell you however, details at another's expense are not what I am all about today.  Let me just say this.  I met him, we hung out for about an hour and I decided to go spend the weekend with my Sister.

First impressions are not an end all, but they sure do make an impression. He's not a bad guy, he's just not the guy for me.

I am at a point in my life where I am loving me, that is a great place to be and I don't want to lose this feeling I have about me and self.  We make a great team, self encourages me, she comforts me, she is there for me when I need her and she is a great person to be with.  Adding to me and self must be an addition not a subtraction from where I am and where I am going in life.

Dumb Stupidest I love you the Biggest ever and always
My Sister is My One Person.  She is the only person in life who has stood by my side through thick and thin, good and bad, bad and worse.  Never once saying "I'm Done!"  There were times in my life she could have said those words and would have been just in doing so.

I did not realize how much I needed this weekend with my Sister till this morning.  I woke at 5am and was joined shortly after by a crying niece who I assisted in going up to Mom's bedroom.  I noticed my brother took the coffee pot on his camping trip and giggled to myself over how he was "Roughing It" haha. Needing coffee I ran down to Starbucks for some sinful indulgence and decided I should get a White Mocha for Dawn also so I didn't get murdered for waking her up.  Dawn is my sisters best friend of 26 years and one of my closest friends as well.  She spent the night on the blow up mattress in the living room and I took my nephews bed with the house dog "Reef".  Family of surfers obviously, haha.  Mr. Marley stayed at the park with his Mama and Siblings.

My Mother called and we spent an hour on the phone talking about all kinds of great things.  I am so blessed to have my Mom in my life now and hope she doesn't get mad that I didn't tell her about my date that didn't amount to a date really.  Mom, I just wanted to keep my date to myself till it happened and then share the great news with everyone.  Well it didn't work out that way.  I'm over it and moving on.  My Mom asked if I wanted to come out to visit her this or next month, omg "YES" I replied and cannot wait to see her.

Dawn, I love you so much girl, always!
I got off the phone and realized it was after 7 and Dawns Mocha was getting cold so I told her..  "To get her arse up" then I lightened the rude awakening by following with a coy "I bought you Starbucks", hehe.

What a great morning.  Fun with the girls, morning self spa masks with DS and a great conversation that brought us both to tears at some points.  "DS" is short for Dumb Stupid which is mine and Tamar's pet names for each other.  We catch a lot of flack for our nick name for each other when people hear us calling each other Dumb Stupid.  We have had the nick name for each other so long we don't even remember who started it or how we adapted it as a pet name.  Sometimes we call each other Smart and Intelligent as a joke.

Dumb Stupid and Dumber Stupider
My Sister shared with me how proud she is of me, she also got real honest and emotional about some of my past choices and how they affected her at the time.  I sat and listened without interrupting her allowing her to say all she needed to say.  Then the timer went off and it was time to remove our masks, we snapped a picture for Our Mom before I jumped in the shower and she went to the sink to rinse hers off.  During my shower I thought a lot about what she said to me.  When I got out I said..  "dumb stupid, can I ask you a question?" She said "what's up dumber and stupider" I replied "I am wondering dumbest stupidest how it is that you stood by me through all these years when some of it hurt you and never once judged me or abandoned me?"  She stood there chewing on her lip and said "Let me ponder this, I want to give you an honest answer and am not sure there is one other than I love you and don't want to lose you..." She stood there looking beautiful and serious as she continued...  "I think that I knew I couldn't change your mind once it is made up and didn't want to push you away.  I also have always felt like you sacrificed so much for me when we were younger and I know that had a lot to do with why you didn't know how to put yourself first in life and made decisions that I wouldn't make.  I also always knew your heart was in the right place and while your means to an end were not always right you were does that make sense?"  "Yes" I replied and thanked her for being my One Person and said I to was glad we were like old times, we hugged and she cooked us a healthy Paleo breakfast.

Sean, his girlfriend and my niece Kaili
I spent the rest of the day hanging out with my nephew Sean, my best friend Charles then taking a nap at my sisters.  She is now cooking a Paleo pulled pork tostadas dinner that smells amazing.  I am learning how to make home made almond flour tortillas how cool.  DS's friend Carlyn is here and her personal trainer Daniel is joining us shortly so we can enjoy a super healthy dinner and some good conversation making more collective memories to add to my Journey in life.

My first nephew ever, love you Seanie

I love the way my sister is raising her children in regards to health and nutrition.  Her 5 and 3 year old ask for carrots and hummus as a snack.  Her oldest who will be 18 in 4 months refers to McDonalds as saw dust and toe nails.  Nicky her 5 year old thought that Ronald McDonald was the guy from Chuckie Cheese's.  I wish I had been so health conscience when I was raising mine.

My sons thought Ronald McDonald was the President, haha.  I didn't know much about nutrition and fed my family a meat and potatoes menu cooked in a good old southern fashion with lots of gravy and fried foods.  I did cook a lot of vegetables, greens were a weekly staple in our house, red beans and rice, black eyed peas, broccoli and asparagus were also staples but covered or cooked in fat like ham hawks, mayo on the asparagus, cheese sauce over the broccoli, etc.

Kaili my lil Princess
 I thought I was a great Mom, I didn't let my kids eat cereal on the week days, I believed they should go to school on a warm full belly and only allowed cereal as a treat on the weekends.

 My warm breakfast was loaded with cholesterol, even my porridge which was made with fresh cut apples and raisins was still cooked with milk in place of water for creamy sake.

Carlyn and Dumb Stupid, hehe
 I passed down my bad eating habits to my children and hope now that my new eating habits can help them to change the way they feed my grandchildren.

I know that it is never to late to learn, never to late to change, never to late period.  I believe in change now and that in itself is all that I needed to believe in to accomplish making changes in my life.

I wish you all a blessed night full of love and laughter,
One Love
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