Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Gathering Stones~

Wednesday March 7th 2012 am

I will attempt to describe in words how beautiful it is here right now.  The warm sun is shinning down all around me.  A gentle breeze blows from the river while the cat tails sway back and forth I look at the water thinking of Stella.

Stella will look so cute in this suit, I cannot wait to give
it to her, I love you Stella.
My baby daddies said she is laughing now when she gets in the water for her swim class.  I bought her a bathing suit when I stopped by the General Store a few moments ago.  It is perfect for her.  It has cherry blossoms on it and bright flowers of pink and yellow.  I have to stop buying her bathing suits she will never get to wear the all at once, haha.

I can hear the bell chiming in the wind and the rustle of the palm trees leaves brushing against the trunks in the wind.  I am at peace with myself at this moment.

I came up to the the levee to do laundry and search for stones.  For me I have to collect all my stones during daylight hours as doing so at night being disabled may not be the best plan.  I want to throw my stones at dawn just before the sun rises one day this week so that I can start that day a new.

I have some heavy burdens on my heart that I long to release and give up my need to worry about that which I cannot change.  The past pains, others who are still lost whom I love dearly and want to save but know now I cannot fix others I can only fix myself and think positive thoughts for others who I wish better for in life.

I have met some new residents of the park and look forward to getting to know some of them today after finishing my laundry so I can share more with you about the wonderful act of making friends along the way.  I have to say that I really appreciate making friends with Brad, he comes by every day to make sure I am okay.

Brad is also an artist and offered to help me finish the painting on One Love.  I am super excited to have someone like Brad to help me.  He is a good heart and will bring much positive energy to the life on the tree on one love.

I will go find my stones now and in the mean time think about how blessed I am to be learning how to do things like throw stones to work through the things in life we so often don't know where to begin working through.

I wish you all a blessed day.


Wednesday March 7th 2012 pm

onelovejourney2012, one love journey 2012, moon rise
A nice view to say goodnight too
As the moon rises outside my writing window I am taken back by the beauty of the skies colors while I sort my stones.

I found several stones I have enough for my list now.  I found some by the levee, some in the park and a few on the way back to One Love.

As I sort through the rocks I am realizing how hurtful carrying past pains, regrets and resentments has been for me.

throwing stones, gathering stones, letting go of old burdens, releasing the pain, letting go, onelovejourney2012, one love journey 2012, jojo williams
Each stone lifts it's weight off of my heart as I let go

It's as if no time has passed from then till now as the memories are vivid and I realize that I held that in all this time.  How that must have ate at me while I thought it was not there.

I wonder how many more burdens I carry that lay deeper beneath these.  Why do we hang on to those things that hurt us so much?  Why do we bury them so deep?  Do we believe they will disappear?

They never do, they are always there eating away at our souls waiting for their time to sneak back up on us and pay us ten fold for what we did not face then.  I know now that I have to face all future pain head on.  Let the pain, the loss take it's course and from there begin to heal.

It will be such a release to let so many pains sink to the bottom of a moving river while it carries away my burdens and I walk away a little lighter.  I am sure I will have to do this again, and yet again.  Old habits die hard and I have a life time of burying things, pretending they did not hurt so bad.

It is good to love myself enough to take the time to feel this pain, I know that I deserve to let go of these things and I know it is long time for forgiveness for myself and others.  Long past time for me to let go and allow myself the liberty of happiness and joy in life. Knowing I deserve it, I am loved.

Fleetwood Mac sings Gypsy to me as I sort through my stones and begin to let go of so many pains

Good night my friends, I love you all from the parts of my heart that now have a little more space to love, love unconditionally.


One Love
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