Monday, March 26, 2012

THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY


In my desire to share my journey with you all I guess I am bound to run into days like today.  Challenges can be fun if we make them fun.  I am going to attempt to make these new challenges fun with your help.  Just talking about it helps in my experience.  Since I am here alone (with the exception of Mr. Marley who has given three suggestions which would probably solve all my problems if I spoke puppy, wink.) I will talk it out in type and give it all away to the world wide web and my friends out there reading who I like to think of as sharing this Journey with me.  Smile.




I miss you Brandon
THE UGLY~
It’s one of those mornings that can just make you want to scream, haha.  I have been up half the night in pain, the other half taking Mr. Marley out to potty.  My attempts to make a healthy breakfast ended as soon as they started when I ran out of propane.  I am typing my blog as a word document in hopes I can log in at Glen and Theresa’s due to my internet being off along with my phone bill due today and going to be cut off tomorrow.  My electric heater just stopped working mysteriously, woot woot. I miss Jessica and Brandon already and feel a strong sense of homesick since they drove off yesterday.  I am sure a big part of that is me being sick, no one wants to be sick alone.




We miss you Jess

THE BAD~

I don’t get paid for another 5 days.  So I can take showers up at the public showers, however I am in a lot of pain from my Gall Bladder flare up and Kidney infection so that is going to be quite a challenge and cold showers here well it’s not summer yet, haha.  I am a little worried about not being able to call anyone if my phone gets cut off tomorrow and think I am going to have to get real creative about cooking healthy foods in a microwave.





onelovejourney2012
Gotta Love Me
THE GOOD~
I have Mr. Marley here beside me and he is so damn cute that he makes even challenges like these seem not so bad.  While he woke me up several times crying or chewing on my nose, ears, hair, etc each and every time I took him outside and we have potty training success in the making.  The score is 7 pee’s and 3 poops outside, 0 accidents in One Love! I am so proud of him.  He starts crying when he has to go, how cool is that!  I might have been able to give way to stress or depression with my current situation if it weren’t for Mr. Marley giving me much to laugh about, lots of precious moments so far that have begun to strengthen our bond. Also given me a reason as a new Mommy to his cute lil self to keep on chooglin.
Being needed by this cute lil guy my Mr. Marley brings out the protector in me.  I believe it is that way with most people.  When we need to care for someone else we are less aware of our own needs not being met.  I wonder if we applied that to our daily thinking if it would help us as a people.  Think about it, what if we decided that how we handle our daily struggles affects someone who needs us and our ability to meet their needs.  Instead of being angry, or depressed, or stressed we just look for alternatives and solutions to problems, solving them quicker knowing others are counting on us to do so.  Wow, that would be interesting.  I mean some people like me find it easier to stay strong in tough times for others than for ourselves.  





jojo williams, one love journey
Me and Marley

I know Mr. Marley is making the struggles I am facing today much better for me just knowing he needs love and tenderness right now and is missing his mommy, brothers and sisters.  So while I am in pain and without things I need, I am not without the one thing that overcomes all things, I have love!  He is keeping my heart full of love rather than stress or sadness right now.  So the next 5 days is going to be interesting.  I am not sure of how it’s going to play out yet but I am sure that me and Mr. Marley will play it out together.



I Love You Marley

To think, I almost gave up a few months ago.  I almost gave in while sitting in my chair in the living room of the home I left behind to make this Journey.  I almost let the world change me and said “NEVER AGAIN” never again will I trust or love another person after being hurt badly by two women I took into my home and shared all I had with only to be lied to, stolen from and used.  Something inside me, something determined to hang on to the promise I made to myself long ago that I will never let those who hurt me change my belief that we are meant to live with love in our hearts for others and if presented with a chance to help others we should do so.  The truth is if I had stopped believing in the world that day I wouldn’t have had a reason to be here anymore that is just the person I am.  I am truly happier out here trying to better my life and the lives of others by reminding us all not to give up, never build walls that we think protect us from harm because they also protect us from living.  I believe living a life without love is no life at all.





We are bound to get hurt, that is okay.  We are bound to be angry some days, sad others.  Also okay.  In fact it is more than okay I am learning.  Now that I recognize all feelings as valuable and needed when I feel the ones I used to try to avoid like pain or anger I do not run from them, put a Band-Aid on them or even worse seek revenge on who I believe put them there.  No, I face them, let them run their course by acknowledging them and learning the lessons they bless me with.  I speak on them truthfully and while some do not know how to take that I remind myself that we have been conditioned to suppress our feelings and put on appearances that do not honestly reflect our feelings but make others feel comfortable for the sake of how things look.

Everything is gonna be alright!

I don’t care how things look anymore I just care how they are!  I mean what is the point of making things look good if underneath the surface they aren’t good at all?  I could post that everything is hunky dory over here but the truth is me being honest about the day I am facing has allowed me to acknowledge my frustrations and fears, sharing them with the world and showing that I am not doing so great today.  But you know what, haha, I am doing better today than I have been doing most of my life when I thought I had what mattered, today I have love. Love for self and love for all else.





There is something so powerful in giving up control, letting it all go.  Just saying.. “Hey Universe, I have some problems that need solving, I can’t do this alone and do not have the answers just yet, can you help me out, I let go and give it up to you to figure out for me, and in the mean time I am going to play with my puppy” That is powerful for me and a huge step in the letting go of control department, proud of me I am, YEAH!



Love you both, see you soon, Love Mom

So there it is, the beginning of my day and look how much I have accomplished, haha.  I love you all and hope the beginning of your day is full of love despite what else you are faced with I know with love you too will be okay.
Have a great day,
One People, One World, One Love
Lelania
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