Friday, March 2, 2012

I'm not a quitter~

4 words I have repeatedly used to joke about my cigarette smoking.

quitting smoking, e cigarette
It's a start, it's my start!
As I pulled up to the Smoke Shop blasting "Keep On Chooglin" yesterday evening and turned off the car the positive self talk began.  Sitting there in the car saying aloud.. "Okay Self, you are gonna walk in there and buy the E-Cigarette.  You are going to be strong and you are going to do it!"  Walking up to the store the self talk continued as a few people walking by smiled at me talking to my self all the way into the store.

I opened the door remembering my Mom saying.. "you can do it" comforted knowing my Mom believes in me I smiled at the clerk and said "Do you have the E-Cigarette" secretly hoping she would say "No" then it wouldn't be my fault I couldn't buy it today.  After all I was in a hurry, much to do to prepare for my tow at 8am this morning to my next park.

"We sure do, do you prefer regular or menthol" The clerk replied smiling back.  "Great, I'll take menthol" I said strongly.  And the choice was sealed.  As I stood at the register in a moment of weakness I also purchased two last packs of cigarettes.

My plan is pretty air tight.  I am moving to a location that is pretty far off the beaten path.  No store for miles.  No car to drive there.  I am going to be going shopping once a week, so I need to be disciplined on one day a week, the day I buy stuff.

gluten free eating, gluten free shopping, gluten free meals, learning to shop gluten free, onelovejourney2012
A new menu
Then I headed to Winco, it was getting late and I had to finish up my shopping.  Wanting to go to Trader Joes also but knowing time was limited I decide to see how much I could accomplish at Winco for my new Gluten Free Diabetic friendly diet.  I am not allergic to Gluten, I am intolerable.  Its affects on my arthritis raise my pain level.  Being over two weeks since I last took a prescription pain pills for pain I have been in more than usual pain but hanging tough.  I also am not Diabetic, however I was during my pregnancy with Stella and know I have an 85% chance of developing diabetes now.

I even know how to pronounce it right now, haha
Driving up and down the isles in my handicap cart trying to find gluten free foods was a bigger challenge than I expected, there is gluten in everything.  It is also more expensive to eat healthier and I am on a serious budget.  At one point I got really frustrated, discouraged and started to talk myself out of this new diet telling myself I couldn't afford this.  Self wasn't hearing that crap, she said using her inside voice.. "buck up girl, you can't afford not to change the way you eat".  Self being right I trucked on.

While I was cruising the isle almost everyone I passed said hello.  Sure the night I promise myself leaving the house that everyone I meet I will give a card to they all want to say hello to me while I am having a shopping melt down.  All I could do is laugh as I extended my hand and returned the hello.  Introducing myself and handing them a business card, talking a bit about my Journey.

I think those introductions saved me from myself to be honest.  The some 20 reminders in the store about my Journey for a better world keeping Self in check for remembering that change starts in me.  So I made it through the store and didn't even pass out at the register when I went over budget.  I said a silent prayer to myself... Self it will be okay, it will work out, you will have what you need!

Reading is good exercise for the mind
For good measure I figured I should work on both my physical and spiritual health and picked up a new book, a friend recommended this book and I am taking suggestions these days as another part of change. My know it all attitude hasn't gotten me so far in life, recognizing that I am all ears for suggestions these days and actually implement them.  So my new book begins. Eat, pray, love by Beth Gilbert.


I am being picked up this morning by Glen and Theresa and heading out to the new location with only two packs of cigarettes, a bunch of new food choices, no diet soda, only 4 rockstars and multiple gallons of drinking water.  Conquering my fears of letting go of life long habits that have aided in my lack of independence and lower health conditions.

Starting today I am not going to use the word quitting, I think I will say "I am starting" I am starting to love myself and want to take better care of myself.  I am waking up to the world around me and my impact on it and want to be a better contributor to the world.  I am trying to promote One Love for us all and recognize that has to begin in me, with love for Self!
lelania, jojo williams, onelovejourney2012, one love journey 2012, one love journey
This is where I really start living!

If I can quit taking pain meds, if I can let go of all the "things" I used to think mattered, used to believe I needed, I can do this too!  I can start!

Like anything else in life, it is just a choice.  I choose a better life~

One Love
Lelania

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1 comment:

  1. Good morning my dear,
    Isn't it sad that it cost so much to eat better?
    I guess what you save from not buying cigaretts you can use on your new diet. We know how much it cost to to smoke, you will save a small fortune. Im proud of you for trying to quit. Its not easy that's for sure. Have a safe trip to your new location. Talk to you later.

    Big Hugs and lots of love,
    Kat

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