Wednesday, March 28, 2012

"Picking your nose...

...makes you think faster"
I love my little goofball Jess

Jessica replied as we drove away from the Hospital today after Our visit with Baby Semaj.

Tears still drying on our cheeks as we made our way down Broadway toward hwy 99 talking about how painful it was to see Baby Semaj having such a hard time.  While checking my mirrors to turn onto 29th St.  I noticed someone in the car behind me picking her nose.

I can't imagine my life without you in it Lovey, you are such a blessing to us all!

Normally I think I would have said something judgmental, haha I mean come on don't we all react to someone getting caught picking their nose as if we ourselves don't ever try to dig one out while driving, yeah we do or have I believe.

Today my attitude in life is so much different.  The need for projection or judgments is not there like it used to be so I said aloud without meaning to..

"Oh, so she's picking her nose, go ahead girl, get your dig on, it be like that some times."  

Jessica laughed and said "Picking your nose makes you think faster"

I laughed loudly and said "Really, and how is that?"

She replied simply.. "Well when ever I forget something if I pick my nose I remember it!"

I thought that was the cutest thing I have heard since my Cousin Leslie asked my Aunt Mary Ellen why God gave us buggers if we weren't supposed to pick them out rather loudly while in the line at the Market.

I looked at Jessica and said "Hey, whatever works, I usually just retrace my steps but if picking your nose does the trick right on baby girl.  Maybe I will try it sometime, haha"  And we both laughed.

prune belly, onelovejourney2012
Stay strong loved one, you are a fighter born of many before you!

It was one of those moments, you know the moments that change the pace just like that.  We were both sad before the lady behind me started picking her nose.  I wish I could thank that woman for helping me and Jess laugh together after a heart breaking visit with Baby Semaj.  When I dropped Jessica off we both giggled again.  I love you Jess, every minute of every hour of every day of my life.  Thank you for the gift of laughter in a moment it was so needed.

Nani loves you baby, with all her heart.

My little Angel is not doing so good, he is in pain and it shows.  His breathing is rough and his cough so hard on him because he doesn't have the stomach muscles to cough up the mucus like we do.  He grasps his foot when he coughs to get some leverage and apply pressure to his stomach and still has such a hard time getting a good cough out.  Something we take for granted, is not so simple for him.

I know baby, I know.

It's okay baby love, it's okay.
He is doing better and they were getting ready to move him to the pediatric floor and out of ICU which is great and means he is stable.  However, it was so hard seeing him so sad and knowing I am so far away from him.

Nani's baby, one love journey 2012, jojo williams
Tell Nani all about it baby!

He was happy to see me, even though he wasn't all smiles and saying Nani like he normally does I knew how happy he was to see me when he rolled over and scooted right up to me so that he could get closer to me.

onelovejourney2012, prune belly, childrens hospital, jojo williams
Nani and Baby Maj

We drew together on his etch a sketch, he loves to draw.  Artistic talent runs strong in my Family.  Both Baby Semaj's mother Lovelisha who is studying to be a clothing designer and has chose to focus on a clothing line that is innovative and brilliant and his father Semaj who is a natural and raw artist like myself have passed down their talents to my grandchildren who all love to draw and are very talented at their young ages.  Also, his Grandfather on Lovey's side is an artist and does tattoo's, in fact he has done a few of mine.  I give credit to my Mother for my talents as she is an amazing artist and writer.
Great job baby Maj, your a natural!

I tried to hold back my tears in the hospital room but that wasn't so easy, however I did keep a smile on my face for my grandson and reminded him that he has his Nani's fighters heart so remember to fight to get better.  He nodded his head agreeably and understood exactly what Nani was saying to him.  He is a wise old soul, here to remind us all to fight to live better.

Jessica was supper happy when I called and asked if she wanted to go with me.  Brandon was still waiting on Shawntice and Baby Brandon and wanted to spend time with them so I thought it best I be on my way to the hospital and let him spend time with his son without feeling rushed.  Before I made the decision to go without him I was blessed to spend some time with his play Grandma Phyllis who I love dearly and have not been able to spend time with in a long time.

Phyllis and Brandon

So touched by the time with Phyllis I asked if I could share it with ya'll.  She said yes, and I truly appreciate her doing so because I believe there are others out there that may be feeling like she feels right now.  I know I was headed there not to long ago myself.  Phyllis suffered a stroke a while back.  She went through a long recovery process and has made great progress, better than expected.

As we sat at her kitchen table I gazed into her beautiful blue eyes that were filled with sorrow and despair as she shared with me her pain and frustrations over her life.  Since her stroke she has improved and regained much of her independence yet her family still treats her as if she is incapable of running her household any more.

She feels smothered, as if she is drowning and has no voice in her own home.  My heart broke while she shared with me, an outsider who was genuinely interested in hearing her voice how lost and hopeless she feels.  We talked about her taking her power back on her own rather than waiting for her family to recognize her needs she needed to learn to fill them herself and make herself a priority in life.  A lesson in life I am only now learning so I was only able to share with her where I am today and where I hope to be tomorrow.

It is a blessing to have family to take care of us when we need it, it is also hard to regain our position of confidence in their eyes sometimes.  Phyllis wants to feel the rewards of her recovery, she wants to have a say in her day to day life.  She has earned that right and deserves to be recognized in her home. I understand that it is hard to switch roles in life and switch back..  My sister and I went through a similar situation but that is a story all it's own.  Phyllis is strong but her not being able to live the way she wants to is breaking her down.  Some times we can do to much, I know that I don't want to feel that way when I am older and need the care of my children, no thank you!

We hugged, and she thanked me for listening,  I promised to call and visit more often so that we can continue to talk and she can have someone in her life that hears her voice.  I love you Phyllis and so does your family as my family loves me.  Sometimes it is hard for them to love us the way we need them to, part of that is our inability to love ourselves the way we should.  I hope to continue to love myself more each day and wish the same for you.

I really enjoyed the visit to Sacramento today even though it was a tear jerking one.  Life is not always about happy go lucky times.  There are many painful Pitt-Stops along the road of life and now that I am okay with that, no longer needing to avoid feeling down I now realize how valuable these emotions are.  How needed they are in reminding us to count our blessings.  What great tools times like these are in our emotional tool boxes for building bonds that strengthen who we are as friends and family to those who love and need us.

On the drive back to One Love I found myself driving out of the rain and dark clouds into the bright sun with birds in flight.  I turned on the radio and each song seemed to be played just for me at that moment.  As I made my way around the many curves and pot holes of the last stretch of the drive I was amazed by how many birds were sitting on the posts I drove by and laughed out loud as I said I love you to each one of them.  The sun warmed my heart and the birds lifted my spirit.

Soon after getting back Rick and his girlfriend came to bring me Mr. Marley who they babysat for me while I was away.  They also brought me some Freshly cooked Asparagus that was to die for.  Totally broke my diet as it was fried with the most amazing batter I have tasted in a long time.  Maybe the lack of fried foods in my diet made it seem even more heavenly, either way it was a nice treat and so far I am not paying to badly for it.  Super happy to see Mr. Marley, I was glad to be home.

While loading the pictures from my camera I felt sad again for Baby Semaj and began to cry a little so I called my Mom and we spent the last couple hours on the phone having the best conversation.  I am so grateful my Sister paid my phone bill for me as an early birthday present or this conversation wouldn't have take place and I really just needed my Mom tonight.  Blessed to be building a strong and needed relationship with my Mother I wonder some days how I let so many years pass before doing so.  She has such good advice to give, a great sense of humor and is very caring and uplifting to talk to.    I know I keep saying it but I can't help it, I am so excited about the release of her new book and cannot wait to read it.  She is also excited for me writing my first book and getting closer to my own release in the future and very proud of my blog.  It feels good to have my Mother proud of me, it feels great to have her in my life and to trust her to help me emotionally and spiritually.  Thank you Mom, I love you.

I would like to ask a favor of you all out there.  Can you send some positive energy and thoughts to Baby Semaj to have a quick recovery and get home to his family who misses him and Lovey who stays by his side always.  Thank you so much, I truly believe prayer, positive thoughts and lots of love are so powerful in our lives and world.  Our family thanks you for helping us with your positive thoughts tonight.

Have a blessed night of beautiful imaginative dreams that take you to a wondrous place of peace and love for us all.


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