Monday, May 28, 2012

A new day~

A new dawn!  For me a new beginning.  Last night was awesome, I felt love and support from some really great people in my life.  After sharing my fears and pains yesterday my family and friends reached out through email and my Facebook page with words of encouragement and love.

I find so much value in emotional support these days, whereas in the past I wanted others to solve my problems when I found the courage to ask for help.  Today I only need encouragement some days to remember that I can solve my problems and have the strength to do so.

You know sharing the scary parts of my days puts me in a vulnerable place of fear.  Fear of rejection, judgement, pity.  All emotions that I used to avoid by pretending I was okay then acting outwardly in negative ways due to holding all that in.  I am learning more and more that we all share the same fears, we all need support, encouragement and love.  We all rarely ask for it in productive ways like bearing our souls.  I know I had a lot of trouble with that most of my life.

I am honestly learning the difference between external power and authentic power.  Getting closer to the end of my current book "Spiritual Partnership" I can remember where I was not so long ago when I started it.  It is amazing to me how quickly things turn around today for me.  Again I remind myself that it was all in my choice to change the way I was living that allows me to be here today.

One of the side affects of these changes is relationships.  I have seen a major shift of late in the quality of my relationships.  Those in my life from my past who are also growing and seeking a new more fulfilling existence are growing even closer to me, those who are still in the places where I was stuck in for so many years are gravitating away from me.  Some without much involvement between us and some with attempts to discredit my growth and change as if it is offensive to them.

I have been accused of selling out and forgetting where I came in a letter I read this morning.  It is interesting to me that I am not upset at all over hearing that.  Whereas I was very upset yesterday by my neighbors random negative dumping on me I am calm and at peace with someone I have known my whole life saying much harsher things to me.  I truly love my friend, I recognize where she is and think that is why I am not angry.  I mean I was there, living in denial and not facing my own responsibility in the results I was getting in life.  I have this calm sense of knowing that she too one day will be in a new phase of growing and is only speaking from a place of pain and fear.

Another helpful reason is my tarot reading last night.  I had my cards read and most of them spoke about my relationships in life.  According to my reading this is a time of cleansing and reorganizing in regards to relationships with others.  I was offered guidance in recognizing which relationships bring harmony and joy to my life and which do not.  I was offered comfort in realizing that it is okay for some of my relationships to take separate paths as we are all at our own stages in our own journey.  These lessons are very valuable to me as they teach me that I can move forward in life making better choices and receiving better results without feeling guilty for my Joy.

I am reminded of people I have seen grow and change who have also been accused of being sell outs or hypocrites for their new attitudes in life.  I even remember thinking that way of people in my life in the past.  I guess I am learning now the error in that thinking and realizing that my fear of them moving on or my lack of understanding their right to do so for their own growth was my issue and not reflective of their evolving toward a healthier life.

The new relationships in my life today are supportive of my courage to face my issues and learn from my mistakes, making better choices and moving upward toward a peaceful place in life.  When I say new relationships I am not only speaking of those I have met since making these changes, included in these very valued relationships are many from my past who themselves are also making the conscience choice to walk their own new path toward a better life, a higher understanding of what matters and an acceptance of their own responsibility in what they get out of life.  I am building spiritual relationships that encourage my growth.  Relationships of the past that were built on supporting each others denial and stagnant positions in life are fading away.  I am at peace with all this and excited about the strength I draw from these new interactions with others whose intent is selfless and positive for my and their own growth.

My reading also spoke a lot about my self doubt and my purpose.  This really hit home for me as I have lived with this inner self doubt all my life.  A part of me that always felt like I didn't have the right to be proud of my gifts, a part of me that stunted my growth in many ways.  I am learning today that letting that doubt hinder my progress in life is not much different than spitting in the face of one offering you a gift.

I have wanted to have my cards read and am grateful for this reading.  I had them read once about 12 years ago and they were very accurate in where I was at that point and where I went from there.  By my beliefs all beliefs are valuable and worthy of respect.

I believe all paths lead to righteousness and seek guidance from many sources without judgement of others beliefs.  If Tarot cards is not your thing that is cool, I respect that.  I believe there is no need to be sensitive or offended by others religious or spiritual beliefs if you believe in love and love is religion.

I have been given talents and gifts for a purpose.  Reaching that purpose is how I return the generosity of the gift.  So I will continue to work on facing my fears and eliminating the doubts.  My Creators purpose for me being realized and lived out by me is the purest way to show my gratitude for the gifts bestowed upon me.  My Creator is my guiding force today, others opinions are of little consequence to me now.  Those who understand this also live for the truth inside of them, the truth inside us all.

I feel truly blessed to now be understanding the changes happening to me and my life these days.  I was asleep for a long time.  Waking up has it's growing pains I am experiencing many of those, haha.  However, those pains are minimal when compared to the pains of stunting my growth with walls crushing down on me that did not allow me to soar the way I am today.  Actively participating in my Journey has given me the ability to bring the results I seek and now deserve for doing the work I avoided for so long.

I want to show my sincere gratitude to all those who heard my fears and pains yesterday and took time to comfort me and remind me that I am loved.  Where I was scared to share I now see the blessing again in doing so.  I am sad that we have been mislead for so long to believe that strength comes from cowering under our burdens and carrying their weight alone.  True strength comes from sharing the emotional load of our burdens so that we can receive the encouragement of others to stand upward and carry our loads with much more ease.  We do not need others to fix all our problems, we are only mislead to believe that is what it means to be there for others.  Some times that kind of help is needed but most days all that is needed is our willingness to share our fears and pain so others can encourage us to continue on so we can fix our own problems.

I am off to shower, Adrianne is coming by and I am going to go to the Organic Garden with her for and enjoy some time connecting with nature and one of those spiritual partnerships I spoke of a moment ago.  I love you all from a place of gratitude and confidence.

Have a most blessed day

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