Sunday, May 27, 2012

Struggles and Pain~Life's Greatest Gifts

Memorial Day Weekend Crowd
As I sit here this morning watching the Sun warm the world around me.  The visitors in the park begin to stir about I can smell the yummy scents of breakfast and coffee in the air.

When I began this Journey in January with yard sales to raise money for One Love I had no idea what lay ahead but knew that what lay behind me needed to be just that, behind me.

I felt this urge to purge all the old in me, this need to let go of the material world around me and all the pain it brought me, the pain I brought me.

Back then I did not really know how valuable that pain was in my development and growth.  I did not know what a gift pain is.

Today I know that the pains I used to run from are true gifts of life, gifts given to me to allow me the opportunity to heal those pains and grow closer to my soul.  A chance to begin living as a soul in a body rather than a body seeking a soul.

Looking back now I see so clearly the value of each step I have taken so far on this Journey.  I see the true value in the challenges I have faced and overcome with love of self and all life.  Today I understand probably the greatest lesson of this journey...  Pain and challenges in life are gifts!

I remember how much I used to avoid pain, I feared pain.  Specifically emotional pain.  Living in chronic physical pain I have learned to block a lot of that and my ability to do so comes from a place of my ego that won't give up or in most days.  Even more so a part of my ego that had much trouble relying on others.  My ability to run from emotional pain as a pattern in life has also come from a part of my ego, the part that thrives on fear.  I was living in fear while I considered myself a woman of strength for not allowing my pains to affect me.  They affected me weather I wanted to admit it or not.  Avoiding the pains in life out of fear did not eliminate the pain at all.  By running from the pain I was running from the lessons as well, I was avoiding the chance to heal my soul.

This has been a most challenging month.  My trips to Sacramento to be support to my nephews, Jacob Green's family and friends and raise awareness to a community of the value of all lives  cost me my food money for the month.  I ran out of propane and food pretty early on this month and learned even more about the the gifts of challenges and how little we need to live with Joy.  In fact Joy is available to us always, like the sun is always shinning even when we cannot see it.

When I returned to One Love I knew this would be a challenging month.  I was okay with that and for the first time in my life I was at peace about the struggles ahead.  I gave it up to my Creator, to the Universe and asked for assistance in making it through the month.  I realize now that my choosing not to worry about things I used to give so much of my energy to worrying about allowed me to rise above the challenges this month and see the true gifts in them.

Like the branches of the Tree Of Life I continue to grow each day of this Journey
Each new color adds debth and character to my canvas in life, my inner beauty
coming to the surface, my inner light shinning bright filling me with the joy that
was inside me all along.  Today I see it, fell it and live that joy that my own
obstructions in life blocked in my past. Today I am joy and love.
Today I get it, I get that pain and struggles are the truest gifts in life.  Through them we learn so much.  If you think about it pain and fear are as valuable of emotions as Joy and Love.  They are equally as moving on an emotional scale.  Yet we spend our lives longing to be loved and avoiding pain due to our fears.  The irony in our struggle with needing to be loved, feeling unloved is that it is not possible to be unloved.  We only create that reality in our own minds.  Being part of the whole, realizing that I am an individual physically while I am a part of all spiritually I now see that I cannot be alone in the sense of lonely if that makes sense.  I cannot be unloved as I am love, we are all love.  We are here to learn and experience for the whole.

How can we learn if life is always an easy road? What value is there in winning all the time?  Looking back over my life I remember days when I resented my struggles, my hardships in life.  Today I am truly thankful for them as they are what made me who I am today.  They are what forged my Character, allowed me to build, to move up rather than sideways staying at only one level in life.  Challenges allow us opportunities to access the inner source of positive and love inside of us and overcome the negativity and fear in life.

When I made the choice to take this journey, the choice to be happy and no longer sad I avoided building walls around my heart and accepting living in a place of fear.  A place so many of us live in without realizing that what we think is protecting ourselves from pain is truly sentencing ourselves to a live of immense pain void of love.  We cannot live a full life in a prison of walls intended to protect us from pain.  Those walls keep the love out.  I am so thankful that I made that choice.  I cannot imagine living a life without loving others, trusting others.  Yes I get hurt, and yes that is another gift of life.  Getting hurt is a Gift, a great Gift!  Getting hurt is an opportunity for me to find the love, compassion and forgiveness in me and heal the hurt.

Inner joy of life flows in me, from me like the leaves of a tree
reaching the heavens above.  I feel loved, I am love!
This month is almost over and as I look out the front window of One Love at all the weekend visitors coming outside of their RV's that sit in storage most of the year to cook breakfast for their loved ones.  I am thankful for my home on wheels and more thankful for it being all I have as it has given me so much.  I remember when I used to go camping with the family over the years.  I remember thinking we were roughing it, haha.  Today I see it so differently.  We are drawn to these vacations over life, an opportunity to get closer to nature and away from the hustle and bustle of our daily lives.  What I didn't realize then is our need to connect with nature is instinctual for us.  We long to be closer to nature even if we don't realize it.  I am blessed today to not have to return to the hustle and bustle of concrete living after the holiday weekend ends.  The trees are my best friends these days and I love them so much and they I as well.

I love this new life, I love knowing that pain and struggles in life are gifts and opportunities.  Knowing these truths has allowed me to experience a constant flow of inner joy that is always available to me like the sun is always shinning.  Where I used to feel happiness in spurts I now live joy daily!

Have a most blessed day full of joy and love my friends.  I love you from a place of peace and graciousness.

One Love

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