Friday, June 15, 2012

Beautiful Mistakes

Coming to terms with my choices and moving on from it is a process I am
learning about the benefits of.  We make the wrong choice at times, that is
okay.  Staying stuck on stupid over it is not okay for me today!
The past few days have been emotionally spent reflecting on my choice to move to the Mountain.  I have a long time tendency to be hard on myself over choices that go wrong weather my fault or not.  I recognize that where I end up in life is a result of a choice I made that put me there.

As much as I wanted the Mountain to be a place of challenge and peace for me to write it proved to be neither for me as the ability to write is to much of a challenge with out reliable electricity and internet.

 I would need to have a laptop for the small solar system to be adequate for writing daily or even every other day.  My computer runs to much electricity for a 12 volt battery or a 55 watt solar system.  After purchasing my own wireless I still could not get a connection long enough to post without it being a 3 hour process.

 I was overwhelmed with the feeling of defeat at the realization that staying up there was not going to work out.  I also was consumed with disappointment at my choice to move in the first place.  What I thought it was going to be and what it turned out to be were not one in the same and I had to process my feelings for a few days to understand that sometimes things are not as they appear and learn the lesson of investigating more thoroughly before making big choices like this one.

Awe, good doggies sharing the doggy bed, woof woof
Now here I am at my Sisters with One Love stuck up on the Mountain for the time being.  I cannot do anything until I get paid again and even then am hoping for help from the owners of the property in getting One Love down the Mountain side.  At this point no one I know would risk their vehicles going up to get her and I would not even consider asking them to do so after all that has happened to get me up there in the first place.  I have a tow from the bottom of the Mountain to wherever I find a home for One Love next.  I think I may have found a park in Santa Cruz that will work and will know soon.  In the mean time I am staying put down here looking for a new home for us both.

This is a learning lesson for me, one I am still processing as I feel much disappointment in myself.  I am having a little trouble letting go of the inner doubt that is building inside me about making better choices for myself after this choice went wrong.  I know that is silly, however, fears and doubt are strong emotions that take a lot to overcome some days.  I can see how easy it was for me to life with doubt and fear at the steering wheel so many days of my life before this Journey.  Today I am determined to correct this choice and move on from it so that it does not get me overly down in the dumps.

They are like two peas in a pod I tell ya.  Reef and Mr. Marley
We all make mistakes.  I reminded myself yesterday how much I love mistakes when it comes to painting One Love so this mistake should be no different even if it has separated me from One Love for a couple of weeks. There is a lesson in this and I will recognize that at some point and gain insight and understanding for my courage to not let this be the reason I do not face my fears, disappointments and doubts.

What Lipstick?

Mr. Marley is loving it here at my Sisters as he has Reef to play with and the kids love him much.  Today I am taking him to the beach if the weather permits and the kids want to go as I am on babysitting detail a good portion of the weekend and super excited to get to spend some time with my niece and nephew.

Ohhh, this lipstick?  But it's my color Auntie JoJo

 I promised my Sissy to watch Kaili more closely than her and I did last night while making dinner and playing Sorry with Nicky, haha.

Kaili and Stella were born on the same day two years and two hours apart and both carry my Granmothers names in their middle name.  They are both my Sisters and mine third child and our only girls.  Kaili has about 20 baby dolls all named Baby Stella and insists we sing goodnight to the Baby Stella's each night.  So precious is she.  I love you Kaili.

If anyone out there knows of a good place for One Love to go next I would love the feedback.  In the mean time please think positive thoughts for One Love to get down the Mountain side safely so that Mr. Marley and I have a home to continue this Journey in.

Stay blessed,
One Love

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