Monday, June 4, 2012

Illuminated

As I rode into town with Rick and Lynette sitting three deep in the front seat of her awesome truck I looked out into the fields surrounding the park and remembered the day Glen and Theresa brought me here.  I felt a sense of peace as they played "Everylong" by Foo Fighters.

We all sung along as the wind danced through the fields of corn, wheat and alfalfa in time with the song and our voices.  The swaying crops kissed by the sun sparkled as they moved in harmony with the cool wind.  Birds flew beside us enjoying this moment in time with us.  All life connected, illuminated in the most brilliant colors and lights.  Harmony was the feeling.  Three people who have become close friends of the heart all seeking their own growth connected to the growth of life around us in harmony with the wind, music and lyrics of one of my favorite bands who has a message in every song they sing.

At this moment we were all connected, we were one.  I realized that three months ago when I got here I was just as excited about the new chapter in this part of the journey as I am in this next step.  There is a difference thought.  I am learning to say goodbye without regret or feelings of loss.  I am starting to get it. Get this thing called life.  I am starting to realize that we are all on a Journey here on Earth School.  Each of us at a part in our path either accepting or rejecting our gifts, either learning or avoiding our lessons.

I am realizing the changes that occur when we start to accept the gifts, start appreciating the struggles and pain by healing it, overcoming our fears and bonding with our souls and all life through love.  That is what one love is all about. My old thinking taught me words like loyalty to mean something that is completely at the opposite end of the spectrum of what words like loyalty mean.  Loyalty is loyal to loyalty first.  We build our relationships on this word with false meaning and convince ourselves to be loyal we must ride into the face of destruction with another in the name of love and loyalty.  When true love and loyalty does not hold hands and go blindly into destruction.  No, that is not what we are meant to do.  Love and loyalty means knowing when to grab a hold of the hand of the one you love and pull them back from destruction and knowing when to let go of their hand and let them find their destruction so that they can get to the place where they can see, the place where where the truth begins to grow so they can find the place of harmony in life where we are illuminated, enlightened.

What we are loyal to defines the meaning of that word.  Are we loyal to holding each other at a specific moment in time.  Holding onto a certain feeling, never wanting it to end.  Are we loyal to our fears of change, our fears of pains.  Or are we loyal to embracing change and healing our pains.  Loyal to our growth and having the love of self to know what serves that growth.  The courage to trust in the Universe and walk boldly forward with out certainty of what comes next.

I'm really starting to get it, and you know what the only way I was able to really start living these truths was to start at the place where my fears felt overpowering, the place where I wanted to run backwards, run away.  It was when I found the courage in me to face the first fear that I discovered the next one.  And with each fear I overcome, with each pain I heal and release I am given a new level of understanding, A new mental dictionary that is written in truth.  Illuminated truths that are not black and white like ink soaked pages.  No, these truths flow in the very wind that catches our hair in flight, the very sun that kisses our face the very life we live.

Something beautiful was happening in that truck.  Three Souls were One, united in a spiritual web of joy.  We went to town and Rick bought the parts needed for the Generator he gifted me. I found my candles and an oil lantern.  The store was crazy, the energy so conflicted.  We went from the truck into the store and were engulfed in a sea of energy in turmoil.  Some Souls asleep, some in pain, some angry.  By the time we left the store I was nauseous.  I met up with Lynette outside while Rick went to fetch the truck.  Lynette was having a full blown panic attack.  Lynette has begun to start doing her own soul work, begun the path to self love.  In past she filled her basket with stuff, a mountain of stuff she would purchase to fill the void inside of her.  Last night she did not buy any stuff for the first time.

She stood in front me, shaking, unable to take breath.  I saw the fear in her eyes, the feeling of emptiness and held her hand and asked her to breath with me.  We stood outside surrounded by onlookers wondering what was wrong with us.  No mind paid to their disapproval of our living in the moment and facing our fears together was my position and a great one to be standing in most days these days.  Lynette was affected by their stares so I took the lead and let me be the spectacle that drew their attention to show her that it was okay.

On the ride home she sobbed, Rick and I comforted her together.  Telling her we love her and that we are so proud of her for facing her fears on this day.  We were not annoyed, nor scared of her tears.  We embraced them as beautiful and knew this was a turning point for her.  This is the beginning of her own realization of the gifts we are given after we find the courage in us to stand upward with knowing that our fears do not control us, they are gifts to overcome, our pain gifts to heal.  Together we healed part of the whole in that truck ride home.  While the ride to the store was full of peace so was the ride home.  Two ends of the spectrum, both peace.  That is what I am learning.  That is Dharma.  We were at peace in the middle of all things, at peace with knowing in the middle of the pain, fear and chaos around us.




I slept deep swimming through whimsical dreams of a magical place where we all find our paths, we all live loyal to our growth, we all are illuminated as one.

I love you from a place of understanding what this all means, a place of inner peace in the midst of fear, pain and suffering.

Be blessed
One Love
Lelania




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