Monday, July 23, 2012

My New "Why"

Today was a rough day, it started great, really great!

This afternoon things changed and I was faced with a tough decision and chose right, I chose to love myself enough to say no to someone I love very much!  This was one of the hardest things I have ever done for me!

I cried a lot, I am okay with that.  I didn't freak out, I just cried and spoke my peace.  Then I prayed and talked to myself for a while, called my Mother and my Dear friend Diane and they soothed me.

I am really proud of me, I didn't avoid the feelings and I didn't give into my fears of saying no to someone I love.  I hope they understand, in time they will!

I also did something else I am really proud of tonight, I didn't eat bad because I was sad.  I cooked me a healthy dinner.  A home made vegetable soup and dined to some music by candle light, alone.  I needed to be nice to me, to treat me well.

While I enjoyed my healthy dinner I remembered the last time I lost my weight.  It was 10 years ago.  I lost 140 lbs in 10 months.  I did it healthy, I ate at the same three meals at the same times three times a day.  I exercised 7 days a week the entire 10 months.  I pushed myself to unbelievable limits and I excelled under extreme circumstances and lost 140 lbs in only 10 months.  I kept it off for a couple of years then gained it back over the past 8 years slowly.

I didn't do it for me, I did it because my ex husband left me for another woman and I thought if I lost all my weight I would find a better man who wouldn't leave me, I was wrong.

Enough about the past.  Lets talk about today some more.  While thinking about how I was so strong for the wrong reasons I decided to pull out some old photographs of me then, after the weight loss for encouragement in this my second go at losing this weight.  I found these two photos of me and my Sisters.

I sat her looking at these photos and cried again, good tears.  I was in awe of how beautiful I am.  Funny how all these years I never saw that in me.  I see it now at this weight and in these photos.

Me and My Sisters, I love you both so much~

So I thought I would share these with you all, they are my new "Why".  And that why is this time I am doing it for me! Because I love me, me is great and deserves to be healthy.

I love and miss you Big Sis!


I am going to look at these every day to remind myself that I can do anything I set my mind to.

I love you all from a place of raw emotions of loving myself even when doing so hurts a lot!

Have a most blessed night full of whimsical dreams of a better world for you and for me~

One Love
Lelania
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