Tuesday, August 28, 2012

The Art of Being Gratitude~

As an artist I view many of lives ups and downs as brush strokes on an once blank canvas.  A blank canvas of limitless possibilities.  What we paint on that canvas being created by our beliefs or lack there of.  If our belief is that the ups are success we paint with pride in the face of what we consider success.  If our belief is that the downs are failures we paint with shame in the face of failure.

What if our belief is that each blank canvas is an opportunity to create a masterpiece.  What if we truly view the ups and downs of life as equal blessings, begin to seek the opportunities in both the ups and downs for personal growth with a goal to affect all that is in a most benevolent way.

Today I love the words "What If?".  Not so long ago those words were my worst enemy.  I used the words "what if" as reasons to not try, to not believe in myself.  After 8 months of daily soul work, a daily desire to change my thinking, my belief system, my self hate, my self doubt I have realized that those two words are equally as valuable when I use them in a positive context rather than a negative one.  Where I used to say them to reinforce my fears now I say them to challenge those same fears.

Rory, you are such an amazing young man, I
am so blessed to know you and look forward
to many more awesome memories with you!
Something amazing happened last week, someone amazing in my life blessed me with a gift that changed my life over night.  This someone is Rory.  Rory is a very close friend of my Nephew Sean.  Also a very close friend of mine, one whom I instantly felt a motherly kind of connection with when we met.  He is a gentle soul, a giving and loving young man who believes in this Journey and in me.

The past 8 months I have challenged myself to learn the art of Gratitude for what is, all that is in my life.  The ups and the downs.  One of the biggest challenges in that was not having my own truck to tow One Love with.  At the beginning of this Journey I had a choice to either pay off my Escalade or let the dealership keep it and buy One Love.  I decided that that truck represented a part of my life I was leaving behind and that I needed to learn to give up control.  What a better way to do that than to embark on a Journey with no truck to tow myself and One Love from location to location.  I also had to learn to ask for and accept help from others.  Doing so has never been easy for me.  Feeling vulnerable in needing others was not my comfort zone, I needed to be the one running the show.  I had to be the one giving to feel needed.

This particular lesson has been the most humbling one of all for me and taught me more than being in control ever did.  Along the way I have prayed for the independence to tow One Love myself, however, with each prayer I asked Spirit to help me learn the lesson, not to give me a truck.  My desire was to learn and earn the right to tow One Love, myself and Mr. Marley on my own.

My nephew Sean and all his friends who many consider me their Auntie as well have a very special place in my life and heart.  We spend countless hours together when ever I visit Santa Cruz discussing things that most people would not even consider wasting time on.  These young men are part of a very powerful generation, a generation that has a stronger grasp on the issues of the world than given credit for and likely a generation with many solutions to the current problems we face as a people and world.

Thank you Rory, your words and encouragement help me so much.  You remind me
of the hummingbird, your inner courage, your bright light, your gentle soul!  You
are a blessing to all of us in more ways than you know honey.  You Rock!
I cannot tell you what it felt like to have Rory and Sean walk into my Sisters house and tell me to find a truck to tow One Love!  Rory out of the kindness of his heart and his belief in this Journey and me offered me a loan to purchase a truck.  I took a couple days to process this offer, discussed it with my Sister, Brother in Law and friends before deciding to accept this life changing blessing.

During the couple days of contemplating taking this gift I was also doing some internal work of my own.  As you know I have learned to listen to my inner voice, a voice I hear often when I am in water, swimming, taking a bath or showering.  A few days before this offer came that inner voice hit me up in the shower with some words that threw me, it said... "Mend your relationship with Jesus".  I was taken back by this because I didn't know I had any problems with Jesus.  I thought me and Jesus were cool.

I spent the next couple days really thinking about this and where these words came from.  I mean I love Jesus, I spent my 43rd Birthday with him.  I love Jesus, Buddah and all enlightened souls who walked this earth and tried to teach us the truth about Our Creator, about our power to change life for us and our Mother Earth.

I realized by day two that while I am cool with Jesus I do have some big issues with organized religion.  Those issues have been a block between me developing a full relationship with Jesus.  So I decided that a good place to begin mending my relationship with Jesus was to just start talking to him.  So I have spent each day since talking to Jesus in every step I make and you know what I know he is listening and I will tell how.

Rory is a young man who loves all life, values
all that is!   Never change honey, you are
amazing as you are!
After deciding to accept this amazing blessing Rory offered me I spent the next couple days looking for a truck.  With each truck I looked at I included Jesus in the decision making.  On my way to view a truck I just asked him to go with me and let me know which one was the right one to tow One Love safely on this Journey.  I told Jesus I have a bad history of choosing the wrong cars.  I act impulsively and I asked him to give a sign, to help me make the right choice this time.

I saw some pretty cool trucks, some even had tv's in them, full sound systems, nice rims, new paint jobs, etc...  But they weren't the right one, I didn't act on what I thought my new truck should look like I acted on trusting that inner voice to guide me, trusting Jesus to let me know when I found the right truck.

On Saturday last week I drove out past Watsonville to the booneys haha.  I met an amazing family.  From the moment we met their energy was so positive and honest I just felt light all around us.  I also met a really cool and loud Falcon.  The husband raises Falcons and I thought that was pretty cool after learning that my Native American Zodiac is the Falcon just a few days earlier.

The whole drive out there I talked to Jesus, I again asked for a sign to let me know if this was the right truck for me and One Love.  After looking over the truck we decided to take it for a test drive.  This being an older truck the front seat is a bench seat.  So while the beautiful Mother of the Daughter selling the truck helped me to adjust the seat something awesome happened.  I was on the driver side and she the passenger side looking to see if there was a second lever to move the seat back.  While looking under the seat she said... "wow, what is this" as she pulled an old Bible out from under the seat.  I laughed as I shared my conversations with Jesus with her and her daughter.  The Bible has old family photos in it that must have belonged to the original owner.  We agreed that the Bible belongs in the truck and it is still sitting under my front seat.

World meet Faith! 

I spent well over an hour with this amazing family, we talked about my Journey and their daughters upcoming journey of her own to visit and travel Europe.  We made a really great connection and sealed the deal with some heartfelt hugs.  I made some new friends who want to join in on Christening One Love with their hand prints when the Tree of Life is complete.  How cool, right!

Faith is a Great Truck, Jesus thank you for helping me find her!
It's kinda funny because when me and the boys were looking at trucks online out of all the ones we saw this was the truck they liked most.  It wasn't the flashiest truck, it was the one they liked though.  I really am blessed.  This truck has only 38,000 original miles on it.  I have all the maintenance history done and the engine is so clean and purrs like it would have new.  Super blessed!

I named her FAITH.  Because it was my faith in trusting myself and Jesus that led me to her.  It was my faith in myself to earn the right to one day again have the independence to drive myself by first learning to trust in my Creator and the Universe to take me where I am meant to be when I am meant to be there. It was my faith in trusting that I can overcome my fears of letting go of control of my environment and trusting in others to help me that led me to her.  It was my trusting in Jesus to help me make the right choice.  It was in me trusting that inner voice that I am now open to hearing.  FAITH led me to this truck.  Rory's Faith in me and this Journey led him to make this generous offer.  And Rory taught me something so valuable about the art of being Gratitude.

Being Gratitude has opened up a whole new world of blessings being sent to me~
Working on the inside of me is where it's at!  This is all happening because I like
me now, because I love me now!  Thank you so much Life, I love Life now!
I have learned on this Journey that if we keep working hard on learning the difference between expressing Gratitude and Being Gratitude we change what we get in life.  If we see the challenges in life as blessings, as opportunities to grow we can be gratitude in the face of what normally we would dismiss as bad luck or being the victim of life.  We then put out this amazing energy of Gratitude.  The Universe feels that energy and gives us more to be Grateful for.

What I am realizing the most in all of this is that my ability to look inward rather than point the finger outward is what is truly changing my life.  Where I used to waste so much energy trying to figure out why bad things kept happening to me now I spend my energy wisely seeking to learn from each gift life presents me with.  Believing that the challenges are the greatest gifts as they help me to grow the most I have began to master the art of being gratitude!

Thank you Rory for changing my life over night, thank you for believing in me and this Journey, thank you for being an amazing person in my life.  I love you!

My Beautiful Sissy hugging her first born before his first day
of College, we are so proud of you Sean, You Rock!
I am moving to Santa Cruz, I have found a park there.  I have a truck to tow One Love now and this will be my first move with me behind the wheel.  I am blessed.  My nephew Sean started his first day of college yesterday and I was blessed to be there to see him off before I returned to One Love to begin preparing for this new move to my 6th location of this Journey.  I am so excited to be going to my home town to spend time with my Family and friends.  Excited to be near the Sea, where I can swim and get even healthier, I have lost 26 pounds in a month on this diet and now I get to swim daily as the new park has a pool and I have the Ocean in my back yard, haha!  Mr. Marley loves Santa Cruz, I can't wait to take him to the beach to run in the mornings, he is going to feel so free there.

Thank you for sharing this blessing with me, I love you all from a place of Gratitude for this most amazing life I have traveled.  Each step of it necessary in my souls growth, today I see that and that is a lot to be thankful for.

Thank you Jesus, thank you so much for sharing this with me, for guiding me and for loving me!

One Love

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