Monday, November 19, 2012

If someone tells you a secret...

                                                 ... do them a favor and keep it.

To often in life we stir up drama in the name of "letting someone know" that someone is talking about them.  We tell ourselves that we are trying to inform another, be helpful, do the right thing, be a good friend, etc...

All stories we tell ourselves.  What we should ask ourselves is... "what is my true intent here".

I had a situation in the past that taught me a valuable lessons.  I have always been a right is right person or so I thought.  I found myself in the middle of a situation I didn't ask to be put in.  A situation that involved two friends that I loved dearly, both were very close to my heart.  One of my friends was dating my other friends very recently estranged ex.  After finding out I spent a week feeling sick to my stomach over it all.  When called by my friend who didn't know what was going on and hearing her tears about not understanding why her ex wasn't returning her calls and so on I spilled the beans.  I told myself that I did it because I would want to know and yes I would have wanted to know.  I told myself I did it because it was the right thing to do and perhaps it was.  But what I didn't admit to myself is that all of my reasons for telling her boiled down to my true intent in telling her...  My need to be a good person.

Underneath all my reasons was my true intent which was self serving.  The truest evidence of my self serving intent was my reaction when this whole fiasco was put in my face.  I didn't take a stand at that moment.  I didn't tell my other friend and the ex that this was not okay, that I was not happy with being put in this position.  I should have done just that, especially if I was going to end up telling my other friend what was going on behind her back.

If we have to say to someone... "I am going to tell you something but I don't need any drama so you didn't hear this from me."  We have just been given our first clue that we might not be helping someone as much as we are clearing our own conscience.


A light illuminates within our soul; what was dark becomes light when we realize our own responsibility in creating the life of our dreams.  What was once circumstance & misfortune becomes unmistakable opportunity.  ~ Lelania

The truth is I felt guilty for knowing and I felt guilty for not being true to myself when I was burdened with the knowing.  A domino effect took place and I saw myself as the victim.  Looking back at all the drama that unfolded today I can clearly see that I got what I asked for by not being true to me.  When we are not true to ourselves and not paying attention to our true intent things can get way out of hand.  If we focus on blame, pointing the finger at others and avoid our own responsibility in the results we get in life we learn nothing and perpetuate more of the same drama to come our way.

Sure the whole situation was a messy one and sure there were more who were wrong than just myself.  However, I didn't see myself as one of the wrong ones in this at all and that was yet another indication I was sure to suffer more bad results in life.  When you have a circle of people all being wrong and no one looking at themselves but pointing the fingers at each other it never ends well.

Yesterday I was contacted yet again by someone new to hear for the 5th or 6th time that a mutual friend has been talking badly of me.  Out of the blue I was given all types of information that I didn't ask for and had already heard by several other people.  Someone was talking about me, someone who smiles in my face often.  In the past I took the stance that I am not bothered by this, first I don't know if it is true, second I just don't want to do drama these days.  I never said anything to the person talking about me and just maintained that I was above all that and it would work itself out.  Yesterday I had heard it enough and found myself irritated and decided that enough was enough so I just told the person talking about me that I was aware of it, over it and moving on.  Told them to have a great life, peace out.

Likely a good choice as this person is a taker in my life anyways and has offered little positive to my life.  Only contacts me when she wants something, never really has much good to say about anyone.  So why I didn't take this stand before is beyond me.  However, I still found myself irritated.  This is not the first time I have had a lot of people coming to me to say others are talking about me, others are taking my pics off this blog and making fun of me, or others are doubting my sincerity in all these life changes I am striving to make.  Each time I hear this it does hurt.  I go through a process of pain and anger.  Something else also happens, I am challenged to overcome those feelings and have gotten better at it as time has gone on.  Caring what others think about me has been one of my downsides all my life.  My need to think myself a good person and have that confirmed by others has been a painful path for me.

Wanting to think ourselves a good person and being a good person is two different things.  Being human is the only thing in my book today.  Our mistakes are blessings in disguise if we learn from them.  Our trespasses, our guilt, our regret, etc... are all opportunities to learn that none of that defines us unless we decide it does.

Blame is a four letter word if you ask me.  B-Lame is how I look at it today.  Because blame only brings us to avoiding our own part in manifesting what we get in life.  I want to get great results in life so I know I have to take responsibility for my thoughts, my actions and most of all my intent.

"Friendship is best judged by looking within" and "what other people think of me is none of my business" are two of my favorite quotes today.  I honestly rather that people don't call me, don't write me, don't anything me to tell me that someone else has something negative to say about me.  I don't want to care.  I am learning how not to base my worth on others opinion of me.  If you are my friend do me the favor of leaving me out of the loop.  It is a loop one that goes round and round and I want no part of it to be honest.

My opinion of me being formed from truth of my intent and actions shines brighter than any outside view of me ever can. ~Lelania



After all what are we really doing when we do that?  We are perpetuating the drama.  Are we really helping someone by giving them ugly news about negative things others have to say about them?  No not really.  If we want to do something right about it all the best course of action if you ask me is to tell the person talking the mess that we don't want to hear it.  And leave it right there moving along to something better to talk about.  We do ourselves and the person who likes to talk down others a huge service in taking that position.  We reinforce in ourselves that we don't like drama and gossip and we teach others that we are not a good go to for such destructive conversations.  In the future they are less likely to bring that drama talk to our door.

Giving Thanks
These lessons and realizations of my own responsibility
in what I get out of life are the greatest gifts I can give myself.
To be a good friend to me you don't need to tell me what others think of me, just be honest and share your own opinion with me.  That works for me, smile.

I love you all from a nice place of being grateful for this lesson and what it taught me.  Most of all for being able to see my own part in situations like this one in the past and know that I am not really mad at anyone anymore, not them, and not me.  I am not even mad at those who might have something negative to say now, how could I be?  Honestly what others say has little to do with me anyways and above all I have been guilty of using projection many times in the past to feel better about myself too.  So I get it and I know that each of us is on our own path to self discovery weather we are active in seeking it or not.

Have a great week my friends.
One Love
Lelania


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