Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Life is a journey...

                                                                     ... not a destination.  

I woke up "Just Happy" today.  I mean honestly giddy about waking up.  I sat listening to music and positive affirmations and kept giggling to myself.  I wake up that way most days, some days stronger than others.  Today was the strongest yet.  I just have this sense of peace inside of me that all is as it should be and unraveling as it is meant to be.  Not just in my life but for us all.

Everyday I realize more and more how connected we all are, how one we are.  With each fear I face, each pain of past I heal I become more and more in love with myself and this journey of life on "Earth School".  I have this knowing inside of me now that life is all about experience, all about opportunities and I am the artist of my life canvas.  My feelings and emotions are my brushes, my hearts joy or in the past pains are the brilliant colors I paint each new day with.  I am the boss of me :).

Please know that its not unusual for life's most challenging times to be followed by the best years of your life. ~ Karen Salmansohn

Never look down on someone unless you're helping them up
I thought as the day carried out I might lose this nostalgic place I am in and I was wrong, nothing changed my joy today.  There were things that in the past might have done just that.  Today I am someone new, someone who understands we are all on our own journeys in life, all exactly where we need to be to learn what we need to learn.  I have no judgement left in me now.  No need to see others as different, better or less than myself.  That is such freedom.  I have said it before and I am sure I will say it again... Truly loving ourselves we can't help but see through the eyes of love.  I think we believe we are loving ourselves sometimes in life, but if we are still in a place of judgement of others we are not there yet I have learned.  When we fully accept and love ourselves we have no need to judge others anymore.  We get it.  I am getting it and that rocks.

Today was my first day out since my surgery.  It felt good to get out in the sunshine and see people while I shopped and even treated myself to a latte from Starbucks.  I made some friends along the way today.  I love how outgoing I am in this new me.  I was always a people person but held back from introducing myself to others out of my self doubts and fears.  Not today, today I just smile everywhere I go.  My cheek bones are finally adjusting to this new exercise they do daily :).

I love you Brandon, thank you for brightening my life :)
Last night was really cool, my youngest son was here.  He helped me put my socks on because it is hard to bend with these holes healing up in my tummy.  While he was putting my socks on he said... "wow Mom, I haven't had to do this in a while, do you remember when I had to help you put your socks and shoes on every day?"  I said "YES, I sure do.  I am so blessed I can put my own shoes on now, and more blessed you are here to help me do it again while I recover from this surgery, thank you baby"  He smiled and looked right at me and said... "No problem Momma, you know how we do it!"

Brandon, Marley and Me Love and Appreciate YOU!
I used to be to big to bend down and put my shoes and socks on myself.  That is how big I got.  I was so sad that I couldn't even put on my own shoes, embarrassed about it.  I hated me even more for that.  One might think that things like that would be motivation to change but they rarely are.  They serve more as a reminder of how bad things are and I dealt with that feeling by eating more.  I hurt so I ate.  I hated me so I ate.  It's a hard cycle to be in.

The true key was in learning to love me as I was, not just pretending I was a proud big woman.  I was never proud, that was the story I told myself and others to take their power away.  I hated myself for letting my body get to that point.  I hated my life.  I had to get real with me to figure that all out.  Today I can put my own socks on, hahahaaaaaa and that rocks.  Tomorrow I will be doing cartwheels and surfing again.  I have a future again, loving me has given me so much to look forward to.

I love you all from a place of being okay with sharing things like this.  I know that some will judge me and I am not mad at you for it.  I love you too.  Life is about the journey, learning that is priceless to me.

Here is my theme song for today and many days.  This song is how I feel when I wake up now.  Thank you India Arie for another song that speaks to my soul.

One Love

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