Friday, November 30, 2012

My Sunshine...

                                              ...Shines from within in any weather, any time of day or night.

There is only one thing stopping us from feeling joy in all moments of this life... US!  When life gives you stop signs, look both ways and keep it moving, the beauty is in the keeping going no matter what rough roads we travel on.

Sometimes we have to walk through the darkness to realize the light is in us
Just like the sun is always shining, joy is always available to us.  We may not see the sun, but it is always shining.  Life may bring about much to bring us down just like clouds may block our view of the bright warming rays of life giving sun, but the sun is still shining and joy is in us, available always.

For me I am learning that I can tap into that joy at all times, in fact I am realizing that little effort is needed these days as I am joy through it all.  Something changed in me a while back that has only grown stronger recently.  I decided to change my thinking at the beginning of this journey and along the way have grown to view all lives challenges as opportunities to rise above, opportunities to practice mastery of character.

Nothing stopping me today, I love it!
Always quite resilient, always equipped with the ability to bounce back stronger in any situation in life I still suffered from one condition that hinders most of us most of our lives.  I saw myself as a victim in life.  A victim to others, circumstances and life in general.  Always hoping, wishing to catch a break.  It wasn't until I figured out that break had to start with me.  Until we stop looking outward in blame of our current circumstances in life we will repeat the same cycle of  circumstances.  I had to get responsible for what I created in my life.  Even the things others did to me, took from me.. All my responsibility!

I have always been a "go down with the ship" typa gal.  Loyalty runs deep in me.  The problem was I was on the wrong ship and destined to sink repeatedly.  The only times in life I bailed ship was when I thought my integrity was challenged by staying aboard.  Today I don't board ships destined for the bottom of the sea.  I only did so because I didn't love me enough to know I deserved better.  I was so busy trying to be loved that I boarded the first thing leaving the harbor that resembled love as I knew it.

Growing up without the love a child should be guaranteed at birth led me down a road of seeking love from those incapable of giving it to me.  Never being taught that I deserved love, taught to love myself I didn't realize that all that is needed in life is self love and a relationship of faith with my creator to feel whole, always comforted and safe.  An amazing thing happens when we begin to make life happen for us, the break comes from every angle.  People want to help those that are helping themselves, people want to see those who are taking care of themselves succeed.  I know I love helping someone who is helping themselves.  And that's really where it is at my friends, helping ourselves enables us to not only find love and support from others but gives us unlimited opportunities to truly help others.  Helping others who are not helping themselves is not really helping them, it is hindering their progress in learning to help themselves!

In building my business I have learned to not want it more for them than they want it for themselves.  In the beginning I was doing just that.  Now I am building a business with business partners who want it, who's why is strong enough to run through a brick wall.  I realized that I can't do the work for them in business any more than I can in life in general.  After all it wasn't until I wanted to change my own life that I was able to honestly utilize the help of others in doing so.

Semaj I am so proud of you and love you so much baby!
I look at my Son Semaj and his beautiful wife Lovey and while their lives are not perfect and they also struggle like I did raising mine, there is so much love in their home.  My grandchildren are growing up with both parents in the home, in their lives, with love.

Loving my Grandbabies
Slow down on that road son, I know how you do it, haa
I really enjoyed spending this week up here in Sacramento training my dear friend Rena and her girl Katrina, helping them get started in building their own business and begin a path of health and wealth.  I truly have been blessed staying at my Daughter Jessica's first apartment and so blessed to have had this time to spend with my babies.  I did a little challenge party at my Son Semaj's house on Wednesday.  His Dad is staying with him right now, it was cool to hang out with them all.  Really cool to be on good terms with his father and be able to introduce him to the Challenge.  He also has diabetes and I was able to share with him a healthy alternative to all those meds they have him on.  Proud of my son who was proudly showing off his new to him hot rod muscle car and even more proud that he is the father he is to his own children.

He was right, we will grow old bitties together, haha

I got to spend time with my best friend and sister in every sense of the word Kim, we have over 30 years of history and are both at this awesome place of self journey's in our own lives, sharing that really rocks!

Last night was Rena's first Challenge Party for the beginning of her home based business and it was awesome.  So happy it went well for her, but even more so blessed for what happened for me at that party.  My daughter Shawntice and her beautiful Mother joined us with my grandson and son the Brandon's, haha.  I sat with Shawntice and Noreen sharing all the changes that have happened since I left 11 months ago.

I love you TC, always baby!  You make my heart smile :)
It felt so good to hug them both, to hear them say how proud they are of me and feel the mending of relationships that had lost something due to my downfall in caring about life anymore before I left on this journey.  Being in this place of having the respect and trust of my family and loved ones today is such a blessing.  One that I only had to do the work to be blessed with.

Feels good to feel good in jeans again!
I have been feeling "Sexy in Sacramento" haha.  Seriously though it feels good to come back home looking and feeling so much better.  I put on some jeans the other morning and my daughter Jess said... "JEANS? Wow Mom I have never seen you wear jeans!"  Not only am I wearing them, I can bend over and put my own socks and shoes on in them, haha.  Sound crazy?  For anyone out there who has or is obese you get it!  Little things like socks and shoes make all the difference.  Being able to stand up and talk to a room full of people without breathing heavy, sweating and needing a chair to sit in is huge for me.  I helped Jessica carry a big couch in from my truck yesterday, there was no one to help and I was able to help her.  That really rocked, not so long ago I couldn't carry myself let alone a couch.

Jess, so excited that I got to be your guest in your new spot

I picked myself up a little house warming gift

This is my last night in Sac Town, I have a lot of visits to friends planned for today.  I look forward to getting home to Mr. Marley and my Sister, however I also look forward to visiting here again and soon.  This trip here rocked and I was hit the biggest realization.  I no longer carry pain of bad memories here or in my home town of Santa Cruz.  When I lived here I dreaded visiting Santa Cruz because the ghosts of my childhood lived there.  Dealing with those memories and coming to terms with them has made Santa Cruz home again when I ran away from here to escape the pain I created for myself here.  I realized this trip I have put it all behind me and began to truly look forward to life.  I can travel to anywhere, there are no more ghosts for me.

Jessica is going to come spend the next week in Santa Cruz with me, this is HUGE!  Jess has her own ghosts in Santa Cruz that have kept her from returning there since her last visit with her Father before he passed away.  She is ready to face that, with a new grasp and understanding of her feelings and what she knows he would want for her she asked me if she can come stay  a week with me, but of course you can baby girl.  Blessed to be able to help her through this.  

I wake up each day with the biggest feeling of gratitude for where I am. For that alone I feel successful in life.  That feeling of gratitude stays with me all throughout the day, each day.  Even in the rough moments I have this sense of knowing that I have been given another opportunity, another test to see just how bad I want it, how much I am willing to work for it.  When I say "It" I mean a better life, one I can honestly be proud of.

I love you all from a place of joy, gratitude and feeling the love, one love!

Have a great weekend
One Love
Lelania Pin It

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