I wrote Stella's fathers and asked them to hug Stella especially tight for me, to give her an extra special kiss for me. Fear of what kind of a world she faces held me paralyzed in certain moments of the day. So I prayed and prayed some more. None of us want our children to grow up in a world where they're lives can be taken in the blink of an eye in a senseless crime. I heard a dozen or so people in my life say... "This makes me want to home school my children". I thought the same thoughts to myself as well.
I lit candles and sent prayers to the Heavens, asked my Creator to help us all to heal with love. I reminded myself that living in fear breeds hate, that questions unanswered breeds anger. I asked for peace in the many broken hearts left asking how could this happen. I cried as I am sure many of you cried. Yesterday was a lost day for me in so many ways.
This morning I woke up and reclaimed my hope, filled my heart with song for life and reminded myself that life is meant to be lived with love. I remembered past tragedies that caused a spiral effect of changes for us all, causing the evil to prosper even more out of our fears. I remind myself today that living in fear will only bring more pain and despair to us all. I asked myself if I could forgive the man who did this. This question is the hardest one to ask in this time. I answered yes, yes I can forgive the man who did this. I know that many will not understand me saying this. Please know that my heart weeps for the children, the teachers and all those affected by the loss of them all. Please know that my needing to find a way in my heart to forgive the man who did this is in honor of those lost lives, in honor of all those affected by this tragedy.
I do not know what created the man who could do this. I imagine once he was an innocent child himself. A child with a whole future ahead of him and somewhere along the way that hopeful outlook for life changed. Somewhere along the way he was scarred with fear, somehow along the way anger and hate filled his heart and allowed him to turn into a person who could do something like this. So I prayed for the little boy he once was. I asked God to help me to forgive him for the man he became. I asked for peace in all our hearts and the ability to forgive with hopes we can all move on without also allowing our own hearts to fill with anger and hate bread of fear.
Today I recommit myself to love. Today I remind myself that life is hope, and while there is much loss and pain in life all that is important especially in times like these is to overcome the fears caused with love and hope.
I love you all from a place of hope and joy for life. I send out all my love and positive thoughts today to everyone hurting so that they may heal and live through love with the ability to forgive.
No amount of hate has the power to touch even the smallest amount of love. Knowing in our hearts, our souls that this is not it, that life here on earth is about the experience of it, that our creator lives through us, learns through us, experiences through us we can forgive understanding that those who do these horrible things are disconnected from these truths of love and that we too can become what we fear if we disconnect ourselves from our source of love too. We have to live, we have to love, we can do so with forgiveness. I would rather live one day fully with joy in my heart, with gratitude for the gift of that day than live a million days safe in the arms of fear.
Who Am I - Casting Crowns (w/ lyrics)
A video about forgiveness with Mary Karen Read's last words in her journal entry before her death at the Virginia tech shooting.
Done by Cru at UCF.
Wings of Forgiveness- India Arie
Heaven by India.Arie