Friday, January 18, 2013

What we need, when we need it...

I had a deeply honest conversation with a friend this morning.  Something had been on my mind, some pain and disappointing burdening me and I really just needed to express my fears, share my pain and talk it out with someone, not just anyone but someone who has no reason to tell me what I want to hear, someone who I knew would keep it real with me and she did.

Giving up is Easy, When your Dreams seem Far Away.  And Life is full
of Obstacles, You Face then Everyday.  But, no matter what the Challenge
Some Faith will get you through it.  So NEVER quit believing,
The funny thing is that while I was needing to talk to someone who would keep it real and not just tell me what they thought I wanted to hear I ended up hearing what I needed to hear.  I got more than I bargained for, I was given a reminder of how valuable I am, how big my courage to face my fears and my past is in inspiring others who suffer from judgments and self doubts.

In this conversation this morning I remembered 'ME'.  I have been really busy lately and so much is happening in my life.  I have put some important things to me on the back shelf, being totally honest I have done so out of fear for continuing with telling my truth out of fear.  I have come to this place of gaining so much trust, love and respect in my life from so many that I started to be really afraid to finish my book and tell my whole story, what will they think? Will they still love me when they know it all?  I tested this theory out on a few people without realizing that was what I was in fact doing and in my own mind thought they backed off of me a little or a lot because of my honesty.

Either way, that is not what matters.  What matters is me, me having the courage to do what I set out to do and speak my truth.  I know some might judge me, some will admire me for being so honest and showing that ANYONE of US at ANYTIME in OUR LIVES can come back from ANYWHERE we go!

My plate is pretty full these days, I have a lot of people besides myself counting on me right now and that is something I put a lot of energy into, sometimes too much.  I realized this week after taking these few days at my friends house in the Bay Area sorting out some things in my own mind and heart that I can do this, I can finish what I started.  I also healed from something that hurt recently, someone who should know and trust me who didn't and made peace with that.  I reminded myself that I cannot carry others doubts as my own, I also cannot make anyone else know the truth as I know it, we all live with our own life experiences that we either overcome or allow them to shut us down to trusting others.  It hurts when someone doesn't believe us and we know we are telling the truth.  Not taking that personal can be hard and losing someone in our lives hurts.  I am a work it out, get it out and deal with it, work through things together type of person but that does not mean others are and I gained some understanding on that this week.

Nature has a healing effect, a natural way to cleanse our soul
While I relaxed into the serenity and peace of my friends beautiful home full of flowers, plants, animals and good coffee I got back to me, had some cries, many laughs and remembered who I am, I am courage, I am strength, I am honesty, I am integrity, I AM!  I can go home now feeling whole, felling complete and move on continuing this journey of loving me, working on me and finding my way in a world that can be hurdles and challenges knowing I am up for any challenge set in my path.  Thanks to my conversation this morning I remembered that I am even up to the Challenge of finishing my book and truly letting go of the past with forgiveness and understanding that it is all part of what shaped me, what brought me here.

I am a bit raw at this moment, I have had a good cry.  I think we need that some times, a good cry.  I am ready to start the weekend and even more, start the beginning of the end of this story I have been putting on the back shelf lately, my story.  My story is much bigger than the last few chapters and I need to get it out, move past it and really embrace that 'it is okay' I am okay!

I love you all from a place of knowing I can do this, knowing this is where I have worked to get to.  Thank you for coming along with me for this Journey, I look forward to seeing what happens next, wink.

One Love

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