It is really hitting me right now, I am doing this! The past few weeks have been so busy with preparing for this trip, getting everything organized, trailer in storage, plans made that I have been on auto pilot in many ways. Today, now here on the train with this awesomely exciting chapter of my journey ahead of me I am really feeling it, totally getting hit with the realization that I am doing this. I won't be back to California for a long, long time.
My intentions when I set out on this journey were to travel the Country in One Love. Those of you who have followed the Journey know I made it to several different locations in One Love before donating her to a couple of awesome kids who needed a home. Those kids have moved on now and donated her to another who needed a home. All those locations were in California, I never made it out of the state as planned.
|Leaving California on a great adventure to change many lives rocks!|
I did a lot of work and soul searching there. In fact all of 2012 was work, working on breaking myself down so that I could sit here today and rebuild myself and my life. When I began this journey I was a shell of the woman I am today. Today I am confident & bold. Today I am graceful and secure. I realize now that I had to get to a place of such weakness to grow so strong.
I wonder if the guy next to me can tell I am crying right now? Good tears, great memories of challenges and triumphs. I can still remember the first day I began pulling all my stuff out into the front lawn of my house and started letting go of "things". The day I realized that everything I believed in was wrong. That was the day I made the decision to "Just Go". I had no idea where I was going, what I was going to find, I thought I was going out into the world to change it, I had been hurt to many times and thought I was a victim. Believed I had to change the world so I didn't get hurt again. Along the way I learned that all I needed to do was to change me and the world around me began to change with me. I thought I would find me, along the way I learned I was never lost, I was only telling a story I had outgrown. I came to understand that I was never a victim of the world, I was a victim of my own thinking and beliefs. I chose that path, chose it all and it wasn't until I gained that understanding that I was able to choose differently.
Today I sit here knowing there is no such thing as a wrong path. It is all part of our path. The good and the bad times, all part of the journey and all of it serves us; shapes who we are. Sure there are times we feel as if we have strayed off of our path. Things get so bad that we can feel certain we have taken a wrong turn. Looking back, all those wrong turns added up to one big right turn. Had I not walked that path I would not be walking this one now. It is all connected, all part of this life's journey and I regret none of it, I remember it all with pride and gratitude for what it gave me, who it made me. It is my path.
This is a good time to leave California and do what I set out to do in the beginning. I wasn't ready then, I needed to do some work: a whole lot of work on me. I remember the first time I threw stones into the Delta that I am now riding away from , the farm land I am passing right now reminds me of the corn fields blowing in the wind at Tiki Lagun where I first met Mr. Marley who shared most of the first year of this Journey with me, oh how I miss that little guy. He is doing great by the way, in the loving home of Kevin, Liz and LG. Playing with other doggies, enjoying his new family and driving them crazy at the same time, haha. They are amazing and such a blessing to Mr. Marley and me Both. Love you guys so much.
I didn't expect to be this emotional, kind of like the day I emptied that basket of stones into the Delta. I didn't realize until I opened the door to One Love and began to make my way up the levy to the docks that this was so much more than an exercise, I was letting go of pain, anger, resentments, regrets, guilt and more that I carried on my heart for so many years. I walked pushing my wheelchair with my basket full of dancing stones as I crossed the park. I remember having the realization of how resistant I was to let go of those 21 things on my list I had been carrying all those years. I think we hold onto those things because it is what we know and the unknown is scary. Crazy really because letting go is such freedom, letting go of the past allows us to live now, experience now, create now. Old emotions hold us back from life, they shut doors all around us and build walls of false protection and we miss so much in the name of protecting ourselves from feeling pain again.
|Truly celebrating life today, so excited about all that is happening and ready|
to find out what the rest of the world lives like, haha
So I am sitting next to this guy named Jason. Jason is way cool, he lives about an hour from where I am traveling to stay with Lisa. Jason lives in a co-op with about thirty others who share beliefs of living a more organic simple life. The irony that my first new friend on this trip should share my love of learning to make less of a footprint on our Mother Earth and know so much about organic/toxic free living is evidence to me that we are waking up all over the world. Many of us are becoming aware of our own responsibility in creating change and beginning to understand we have the power to make things better for us all, that totally rocks.
I love that I can meet people so easily and open up to them and they me making connections and learning more about others in the world. Too cool. Jason and I exchanged numbers and want to hook up in Kansas to share more about our ideas for a new world, I am fascinated by co-op living and hope to meet his room mates. I think that would be an awesome experience for Lisa and myself.
|Stella, so much has happened in two years. Thank|
you for showing me a new path, when you showed
me, me I changed forever. I love you honey.
|Semya, Renee and Stella|
My three little Angles I love you all every second of every minute of every hour of every day of my life <3
|No more goodbyes, only hello's to new adventures|
and I'll be back to tell you all about it soon, haha
I love you all from a place of gratitude for being here right now. I am truly grateful that I did it, I learned that anyone of us, myself, can wake up any day and decide to open up our minds, free ourselves from conditioned thinking and beliefs and learn, grow and change. I will always look back at 2012 as the end of the world, haha. It was the end of the world as I knew it. A time when I died and was born again, looking at life now with the eyes of a child, wonder and amazement in all I see. I really like it here, knowing that I never knew it all is such a release, such freedom. I had to unlearn all that to realize what a burden it was carrying the false belief that I knew how the world worked. Had to unlearn so that now I can learn, and every day is a new and wonderful lesson about the magic that is life. Have a great day.