|Neglecting myself sets me on a one way track towards Melt Down Town|
I also have had problems with outer noises distracting me from my attempts to go within and always found meditation in the bath tub with my head submerged all the way to just my face out of water the most effective method of quieting my mind. With a life long connection to water, I feel balanced near it or in it; it soothes me, calms the fire in me. I grew up on the oceans of California and Hawaii, swam and surfed most of my adolescent life and was always the first one in and the last one out. I am at home in the water. Living in a trailer for over a year now I have had few baths and had to adjust to showers daily and learning to meditate on dry land.
There was a routine associated with meditating, my environment clean, incense lit, candles burning, quite and dim light. Although most of my meditations were really just relaxing time for me with no big enlightened moments besides a few very deep, very moving experiences where I felt fully connected, surrounded in love. Times where I felt deep emotions being cleansed and some meditations where I actually felt myself surrounded by all other souls, more so as one of the one consciousness where laughter and love were in abundance. These few times of truly moving meditations carried into my day and I was in the vortex all day long, the zone of love, allowance, acceptance, compassion, I could go on an on about the state of bliss I felt but will sum it up to say it was all good if you know what I mean.
I used to suffer from some serious OCD, everything had a place and needed to be clean enough that you could eat off of my floors. I had to be in control of my life, my environment, all of it. Letting go of control was something I learned the value of when I started this journey without a truck to tow myself and had to learn to ask for help moving from park to park, help setting up and breaking down my trailer for move, after all I was over 430 lbs back then and in a wheel chair unable to really walk more than a dozen feet without a walker or my chair. So I was vulnerable and learned that it was okay to be so. I learned the value in accepting help and much about the reasons why I helped so many others in the past and what true intent means.
|Without me time, inner time I am like a train with headed in two directions|
but stuck on one place really going nowhere.
|There was nothing stopping me from crossing the tracks|
besides my own created illusions.
First I was contacted out of the blue by a friend in Southern California who seems to pop up when I am in a space of loss and have recently prayed convincing me that he is very tuned into his own spirit guides as he just knows. He simply asked me if I have been meditating lately and in that question came an outpouring of emotions from me that I must have needed to share. I somewhat addressed his question of meditation and moved on to seeking guidance in all my pending emotional burdens.
While talking to him, out of the blue another message came in, this one from someone who I haven't heard from in over a year who I only know through a spiritual group we are in together. He had just returned from Amsterdam and felt compelled to share with me a story of how he gave the gift of meditation to someone on his visit.
This carried on through out the morning long after the kids began to move about. I dressed and asked if I could borrow the van to go to the river. The water was calling me, I sang as I drove down to the Mississippi river with the windows down and my hair blowing about freely, I was laughing singing and crying all the way. I found a bench on the river and sat down as I began to write one sentence in my gratitude journal that about summed it up for me...
|Today I am grateful for life, thank you Jesus <3|
I love you all from a place of total connection to all that is love and complete allowance for all that is good to embrace me. I see the value in every part of it and am reminded this morning that I have the power within to embrace life fully, living centered in love through it all.