Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Writing a new story... First we have to let the old story go!

Are you still living an old story you have outgrown?

A good way to know if we are living an old story is to look at how much we appreciate where we are today, this moment.  Old stories have a way of holding us back from enjoying the here and now, they have a way of creating fear for the future too.  An attitude of pessimism can be adapted when we are holding on to the past pains, resentments, regrets if we keep telling ourselves these things hurt us rather than seeing how they helped us.

Developing the understanding and mindset that see's how all that we have lived in the past has served our souls growth, has helped to build the character of who we are today is such freedom from having to repeat that old story again and again.

Maybe there was a time in your life you were a true victim.  I know at a very young age I was victimized many times.  I carried that pain, those memories with me for many years.  What I didn't realize was that my view of me being a victim led me to recreate circumstances in my life that made me the victim again and again.  I saw myself as a victim for all those years so I was what I saw myself as.

So the tricky part was I never knew I saw myself as a victim, I said I was a survivor, but deep down inside I was a victim.  I thought because I didn't go around crying to everyone I met about my childhood or the bad things that happened in my life that made me strong.  Most of my lifelong friends didn't even know till in the past 4 years or so about most of what I went through as a child.  My Sister and I were the only two who knew it all, she was one person in my life who knew everything.

I believed that holding all that in all those years and not being weak and crying about it made me a survivor, made me strong.  What happened is I became conditioned to do it all myself.  Even during the years I had help, like when I was married I still had to control it all.  I never really let anyone in all the way because deep in there was all those secrets that I had to stay strong enough to keep in.

It wasn't until I reached my own breaking point in life and all that stuff came out.  For me it took a traumatic event.  One bad enough that I could no longer hide the rest.  I was a hot mess, battling internally to hold it in and needing to let it out.  I went on a big downward spiral for a while.  Lost the respect of a lot of people who had no idea how to deal with me being so lost and vulnerable.  Gained the support and love of some amazing people who saw through the self destructive behaviors and reached out again and again to let me know I was not alone.

In it all, on this journey and till this day I am still learning what it means to let go of that old story.  To go back deep inside of my memories and become an observer of what all happened and view it with eyes of a child, learning and seeing clearly how it all served me.  Where I thought my mother never loved me today I see clearly she always did.  Where I thought I was't good enough for others to love me without me sacrificing myself in some way I see clearly now that I have always been worthy of love.  It is in realizing that me being victimized was actually just an experience that has long passed, the damages done no longer serve me in living them again and again with memories that bring the pain back, that is like living through it now and now it is not here.

I have learned how to remember it and see it without the pain, without the feelings of unworthiness and realized that so much of who I am came from it all.  Today I can thank my experiences.  Today I release the pain of the past and no longer am I a victim of reliving it or creating it again and again.

Letting go helps us to learn how to hang on to
what matters most!
If you are carrying old pains, telling an old story there are many things you can do to let go so that you can move on.  Many exercises, meditation, prayer, read books, talk to someone, anyone.  There are things you can do now to let go of then so you no longer have to tell the old story and can begin writing a new one.

All that matters now is now.  The past is gone, you no longer have to live with walls of protection from threats that have long passed.  Those walls can shut out all the good you have coming your way.  The first step is deciding to right here and right now stop telling the old story.  When the old painful memories come up, face them with love.  It is in the avoidance of feelings we suffer the most.  Face them, welcome the feelings in then remind yourself that you are now only an observer of those events, they are gone and now you can see the blessings in them.

I love you all from a place of loving this new story and the here and now seriously rocks!

One Love
Lelania Pin It

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