Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Oh Country Road Take Me Home...

I was born in the South and my little Brother has reminded me of that time and time again while we had our little Texas vs. California wars these past few weeks, haha.  Just like my Daddy in so many ways, especially in Texas pride.

We rode to my nieces game Saturday, just like my Daddy used to he had to play DJ, I had to listen to him as he sang songs he wanted me to hear.  I see our Father in him and he sees our Father in me.  These past few weeks has been just what I needed, time with my little Brother.

I love you Little David, forever!
Growing up my little Sister and I always felt like we were missing something, missing a lot of things actually.  Growing up in California so far from family.  During summers and for Christmas we would visit my Mothers side of the family in Michigan many years.  We grew up not knowing our Father and never got the know his side of the family until after I turned 18.  I started looking for him when I was 15, determined to heal that life long yearning inside of me, that little girl who sat at buss stops looking at the men who walked by wondering "is that my Daddy?".

I used to create images of him in my mind, imagined he would come riding up in some big fancy truck and rescue me and my little Sister from the life we were growing up in.  Imagined that my Mom would still love him and we would all be a family again.  There was always that part of me missing.  I had no idea I had 5 other siblings out there in the world.  I am sure I would have created dreams of them too, had I known.

Brandi was our Dad's girl, she has attached to me big time, follows me
around the house all day and night.  I feel like he is here everyday.
After meeting him at 18 though we had our differences he always just loved me no matter what I did or who I was.  I could tell him anything, he never stopped listening or trying to give me Fatherly advice.  Having missed so many years he really wanted to be a Dad to us.  I met my little Brother David when he was just eight years old.  He looked up to Tamar and I from day one, we could get him to do anything we asked, haha.  I remember thinking how lucky I was to have a little brother with such a big heart.  He still has that heart but he is all grown up now and it is hard for me to see him as little anymore, haha.  I have told him a time or two while here that him being so much bigger than me don't scare me one bit, I still whoop his ass if he needs to be reminded I am his Big Sister.

Being here has reminded me that I have family.  I didn't know he felt the same way me and Tamar still feel so often.  We all wish we lived closer to our own family.  We all have that empty spot in our heart, that longing to have our own family close by.

David and Angela thank you so much for this visit, I love you all so much.
This is my last week here and my brother has to be out of town this week, I am filled with so many emotions this morning.  I miss him already, we had the best visit ever.  Got plastered a few times and created memories that we don't even remember all of, haha.  We have laughed together, cried together and bonded in a way that can never be broken.  I am so proud of him, who he is, the man he has become.  Watching him with my niece and nephew, seeing the devoted husband he is makes my heart smile.  I know our Father is so proud of him for breaking the chain of dysfunction we all grew up in.

Little David is the one of us seven kids who had the most of our Father.  He was my Dad's last chance in my Dads mind.  He really tried to be a better Father with little David and I can see what a difference he made in all our lives now.  I love you Dad.

Little David, Danny, Tamar, Lelania and David Jr.
I love you all so much, my brothers, my sister, you are in my heart where ever I am.  We missed so many years but we were always one, I know that now.

Brennan Auntie JoJo loves you more, haha
Getting to know my niece and nephew has been the biggest blessing of all, they have taken to me from day one.  Makenzie loves to make sure I know I am loved, she makes me cards, comes running right to me as soon as they get home each day to see how my day went.  I have had the pleasure of seeing her play softball, seeing her and my nephew Brennan sing for me just like their father sings to them and our father sung to us.  It is a family tradition on my Dad's side to sing to people apparently.  Or maybe Country music just does that to ya.  I have gained a new love of Country music being here and will be adding lots of songs I have grown to love in these few weeks to my morning playlist.
Makenzie, I love you so much honey, you make my heart smile each day.

My little Sister and our Daddy
As I sit here with tears in my eyes, feeling the empty feeling trying to creep back in.  I remind myself that I am loved unconditionally by My Daddy still.  I remind myself that while most of my family is far away from me geographically we are connected in our hearts always.  I am leaving for Phoenix, AZ next weekend, a new chapter unfolds on this Journey.  A huge opportunity to work with the owners of Essante Organics.

This new move will benefit more than me, it will help my fast growing team in so many ways.  While I am still far from my family, my Sister, my Kids, Grandkids, Brother, I will carry them all with me in my heart while I move forward in not only building a future for us all but helping so many others do the same for their kids, brothers, sister, grandkids.  That for me is enough to no longer feel pain or regret.  I am reminded that all I have been through in life, all that I didn't have gave me so much, made me the woman I am today.

I love you all from a place of gratitude for unconditional love and the courage to give it to myself.

One Love,
Lelania Pin It

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