Wednesday, July 31, 2013

If you knew that you would die today would you change?

I have been listening to this song by Tracy Chapman...

I have been singing it over and over letting the words flow through me, reaching deep into my core to face part so of me that I have avoided for so long.  Having the realization that I have neglected myself for so many years, have punished myself, believed myself unworthy of love and created this place I have arrived at, this place of realization of my neglect.

Today I am loving me, today I am learning what that means and now here I am on my path faced once again with the results of my past choices.  I didn't take care of me, while I have been changing for some time now I can't help but see how waiting to do so brought me one more challenge to face in life.  I could be a victim, however I have grown to much, came to far to go there.  I know now that everything I have gotten and will get in life is a direct result of my own thoughts, beliefs and actions.

While I know I am not going to die today or tomorrow from liver disease, in fact I can live with only 25% of my liver it it were to come to that.  However, the quality of my life is in threat.  Honestly I am not afraid of dying.  What I am afraid of is not living fully, I have been given a glimpse of what it means to be healthier, I have gotten stronger where I was weaker, I have overcome many battles, gotten out of my wheelchair, began to move again, walk again, take care of myself, not have to ask others to hand me this or that.  I want more.  I want to be able to do more!

The constant battle that has to be faced again and again in regaining our health when we have let it get so far away from us is overpowering at times.  I have swayed back and forth with this.  Doing good, giving in, doing good again, giving in again.  Some days I am so strong, others I am so tired.  Lately there has been a lot of tired days, my low iron, low red blood cells and high ammonia levels combined with my body diverting energy to try to heal leaves me exhausted.  So tired that trying is a greater challenge than before.

Renee, you and I have become connected on so many levels, our paths came together in a way that we both knew without a doubt we are meant to be here together.  I love you so much, having all of you in my life helps me to continue to grow, encourages me to continue loving me and getting better at doing better.  Thank you.

The past couple days I have been so so tired, barely able to get out of bed.  I have found myself angry and discouraged.  What energy I have had I have tried to use wisely, tried to channel in a positive direction that would breath more life into me.  Meditation and prayer, time sitting in the back yard with the trees and the wind.  Music to refuel me, the love and support of my friends and family with calls and emails to remind me I am supported.

Tracy you are one of the most beautiful people I know, I am so blessed to
have you in my life, thank you for everything.
This is what it has been like since I passed out that day, I will feel good some days and spend my energy trying to get as much done as possible, then others I am so tired I just want to pull the blankets over my head and bury my head in the pillow.  Yet as tired as I am and as much as I know that rest is my friend when I am weak, my mind is restless.  I am restless!

I do not want to take this lying down and I don't have much energy to get up.  I know some of you have been here too.  My passion to help others is thwarted by my need to help myself.  I think I have honestly reached the realization that the only way I can help anything or anyone is to really help myself at this point.

Here in North Dakota my options are so limited for taking massive action to change this.  I have really thought about this and decided that some big changes in my life are needed to reverse the damages done.  I have learned enough at this point to know that there are so many options out there.  I have also come to know and love some amazing people in my life who healed themselves in similar or worse situations than I am in with natural remedies like the Gerson Miracle Therapy diet.  My dear friend Amanda P faced a similar situation 7 years ago and completely reversed it with Gerson Therapy.

Kimra I cannot wait to meet you in person, even thought I already feel like
I know you.  
I have also learned the power of positive thought, prayer and environment.  The power of "I AM".  I am healing, I am capable, I am love, I am abundant.  I plan on embracing all of it, the power of love, the power of the earths gifts to us that have been available to us all along and allowing my friends to be support to me.  I am heading to Stuarts Draft, Virginia next week to go visit my girl Kimra Diggs for a while.  Her and her family have invited me to their home, they are vegan, gluten free, and Kimra practices Reiki.  I am so excited and touched by this offer, I have wanted to work with Kimra in person for some time now.  Kimra has inspired thousands and is a go to for health.  She is the creator of the blog The Miss Fit Mama she is also a superstar in Essante already.  Working with her has been so much fun, getting to further our work on a more personal level in person seems like the next natural step for us.

Amanda I love you so much, thank you for being such a guiding light for so many, me included.  I cannot imagine being here without you by my side. 

My new book, thank you so much Amanda!
Everything happens for a reason, I have said it before and surely will say it again.  I have to believe that at this point in my life I am here for some purpose other than simply another struggle to overcome.  The love and support of some amazing people in my life keeps me reminded even when I forget how precious life is.  This morning in a group chat with Renee, Amanda and Tracy planning our Google hangout for tonight, we were all laughing so hard that I began crying the best tears sitting there thinking to myself... Self, this is great! Life is great, it is so worth it, all of it, never forget that.  Then the doorbell rang and a package came.  Thank you Amanda, you made my heart smile so big.

To hear Amanda's story on how Gerson Therapy helped her 7 years ago click here to listen to our team call this past Saturday, Amanda words are inspirational and uplifting.

I you would like to join us tonight on the hangout follow this link to do so at 9pm at and get in on the fun with four awesomely crazy about organics women who will keep you smiling while sharing some valuable information on the products in your medicine cabinets and cupboards.

I just love you so much!
Before I go I have to say something to my friend Michelle who has been there through it all, since almost the beginning of my journey she reached out to me and has become such an amazing friend and inspiration to me.  Michelle thank you so much for being here, I cannot imagine it any other way.  I love you so much.

I love you all from a place of gratitude for it all, even this.  From a place of knowing that somehow this is exactly what I am meant to experience right now.  I got this, thank you for walking this path with me.

One Love

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  1. Wow!! This is so very powerful!! Boomeranging the LOVE right back to YOU sweetheart! YOU are an amazing soul. So incredibly in alignment with your Inner core, your being and spirit. I am so incredibly honoured to be your friend and sister!! I love YOU so much!!
    Changing the world to live healthier, fuller and with so much LOVE!!
    xoxo Blessed to have you in my life!! We are the POPA's for life!!

  2. You are an awesome child of God and he loves you more than you can even imagine! Your positive outlook is such an inspiration to us all and we love you for your leadership, your kinship and your dedication to making our lives better! I love you Jo Mamma!