I have been listening to this song by Tracy Chapman...
I have been singing it over and over letting the words flow through me, reaching deep into my core to face part so of me that I have avoided for so long. Having the realization that I have neglected myself for so many years, have punished myself, believed myself unworthy of love and created this place I have arrived at, this place of realization of my neglect.
Today I am loving me, today I am learning what that means and now here I am on my path faced once again with the results of my past choices. I didn't take care of me, while I have been changing for some time now I can't help but see how waiting to do so brought me one more challenge to face in life. I could be a victim, however I have grown to much, came to far to go there. I know now that everything I have gotten and will get in life is a direct result of my own thoughts, beliefs and actions.
While I know I am not going to die today or tomorrow from liver disease, in fact I can live with only 25% of my liver it it were to come to that. However, the quality of my life is in threat. Honestly I am not afraid of dying. What I am afraid of is not living fully, I have been given a glimpse of what it means to be healthier, I have gotten stronger where I was weaker, I have overcome many battles, gotten out of my wheelchair, began to move again, walk again, take care of myself, not have to ask others to hand me this or that. I want more. I want to be able to do more!
The constant battle that has to be faced again and again in regaining our health when we have let it get so far away from us is overpowering at times. I have swayed back and forth with this. Doing good, giving in, doing good again, giving in again. Some days I am so strong, others I am so tired. Lately there has been a lot of tired days, my low iron, low red blood cells and high ammonia levels combined with my body diverting energy to try to heal leaves me exhausted. So tired that trying is a greater challenge than before.
The past couple days I have been so so tired, barely able to get out of bed. I have found myself angry and discouraged. What energy I have had I have tried to use wisely, tried to channel in a positive direction that would breath more life into me. Meditation and prayer, time sitting in the back yard with the trees and the wind. Music to refuel me, the love and support of my friends and family with calls and emails to remind me I am supported.
|Tracy you are one of the most beautiful people I know, I am so blessed to|
have you in my life, thank you for everything.
I do not want to take this lying down and I don't have much energy to get up. I know some of you have been here too. My passion to help others is thwarted by my need to help myself. I think I have honestly reached the realization that the only way I can help anything or anyone is to really help myself at this point.
Here in North Dakota my options are so limited for taking massive action to change this. I have really thought about this and decided that some big changes in my life are needed to reverse the damages done. I have learned enough at this point to know that there are so many options out there. I have also come to know and love some amazing people in my life who healed themselves in similar or worse situations than I am in with natural remedies like the Gerson Miracle Therapy diet. My dear friend Amanda P faced a similar situation 7 years ago and completely reversed it with Gerson Therapy.
|Kimra I cannot wait to meet you in person, even thought I already feel like|
I know you.
|Amanda I love you so much, thank you for being such a guiding light for so many, me included. I cannot imagine being here without you by my side.|
|My new book, thank you so much Amanda!|
To hear Amanda's story on how Gerson Therapy helped her 7 years ago click here to listen to our team call this past Saturday, Amanda words are inspirational and uplifting.
I you would like to join us tonight on the hangout follow this link to do so at 9pm at www.gogreenhangout.com and get in on the fun with four awesomely crazy about organics women who will keep you smiling while sharing some valuable information on the products in your medicine cabinets and cupboards.
|I just love you so much!|
I love you all from a place of gratitude for it all, even this. From a place of knowing that somehow this is exactly what I am meant to experience right now. I got this, thank you for walking this path with me.