Friday, November 22, 2013

How to be you in a world that screams conformity~

Would you believe it if you knew what you were here for?  Do you honestly, deep down inside believe that you came here to be like everyone else, to please everyone else?  I believe our need to please others at the expense of denying ourselves the right to be self pleasing, to be who we our comes from two places.  First and the most obvious is a need to be accepted, a need to be loved.  The second comes from the desire to see others happy, to help others feel accepted and loved.

The irony is that our inability to love ourselves first limits our ability to truly love others, our inability to help ourselves limits our ability to help others.  And even more so, those inabilities that lead us down a path of conforming to what we think others wants actually stops the flow of unconditional love that is trying to reach us, embrace us, complete us.  Why, because it begins in us.

Would you believe me if I told you that I was born a hippie but did everything in my power to be anything but a hippie because my early life taught me that being a hippie was something to be ashamed of.  I grew up in a very expensive city to live in as of one of the poorest kids there.  Being poor and having a addict for a mother who preached free love and marched topless in front of the courthouse for three days to fight for women's rights to go topless was something I felt much shame over.  I was teased and ridiculed in school for the clothes I wore which were mostly tie dyed hand me downs from local thrift stores.  The rich kids excluded me from their circles and taught me that money was bad and I spent most of life being really good at making it and horrible at keeping it because deep down inside I despised what it represented to me.

As I began to come into 'what I thought' was 'my own' in my teenage years, I went through every phase of identity that one could imagine.  I rode horses in rodeos and wore a cowgirl hat, I even rode a bull, haha.  I surfed Maui.  I cut my hair in punk rock styles and tore my jeans up and covered my face in dark makeup.  I was a free style rapper on stage, broke danced in downtown Santa Cruz on cardboard boxes.  Then I settled down into being someones mother, someones wife, someones friend, all along my identity was always wrapped up in who I was to someone else.  I was anything but a dirty hippie.  I tried with everything in me to prove the words that repeated strong inside me from the day my Mother said to me... "You will be just like me!" were false.  Only to end up repeating much of her mistakes in my own time.  Mistakes that while they at the time tore my life as I knew it apart, they also opened the doors of understanding and forgiveness and taught me so much.

In the past couple years since that day that I threw it all away, left my life behind, changed my phone number and embarked out on this journey of self discovery to find myself only to discover I was never lost, never on the wrong path, I simply was not living for me, never in acceptance of how amazing I am, never aware that not only did I deserve love, I AM LOVE!  I had to let go to grab a hold, give up to be born again.  I discovered along the way just how much I love the Beatles, Rock and Roll Rocks!  I discovered that I love all music and the music I used to listen to every day wasn't really in alignment with who I truly am.  I learned that I like foods I didn't know existed, I know what my favorite color is today!  Today my best friends are trees, and yes I hug them, PROUDLY!

As each day passes I realize more and more who I am and know deep inside myself that I AM LOVE!  I know what I am here for.  I am here to inspire others to know that YOU TOO ARE LOVE!

It began with a choice that gave me my voice.  My life began to change the exact moment I made the choice to change it.  The moment I decided that everything I tried to be for others was not enough for me.  I realize that I was honestly doing others in my life a huge disservice by trying to please them so that they would need me, would love me.  I realized that the greatest disservice was to myself.  What I found along the way is that so many others in my life love me just for being me.  I learned that our beliefs, our ideas, our clothes do not have to be the same for me to be accepted to be loved.  It is our individuality that makes us brilliant and beautiful.

I see life today as a beautiful rainbow of difference, I see a woman walking down the street with bright purple hair and I cheer at her courage to express herself.  I see a man wearing a pink boa and I applaud his expression of who he is.  No matter what or who I see today, I see life and love in it's full expression and feel no need to correct it or judge it and understand now that it was my own self judgments that led me to the need to judge others.  I see God's love in each and every one of us because today I see that I am God's Love expressed in human form.

Each day my voice is changing, I hear the sound of confidence growing as I relax into my own identity of who I am and feel less of a need to be accepted by the norm.   I know what I am here for... I am here to express, to experience, to live, to laugh and to love!

ღ Aloha Ke Akua

Would you believe it if I told you that you are so beautiful, you are a miracle, you are here to live, to express, to love and yes you are here to make mistakes, by the way mistakes are great, they are experiences that are just as valuable as our accomplishments.  You are here to experience life and all it's wonders, there really is no good or bad, right or wrong.  It is about experiencing it all and discovering who you are, learning the deepest truth that is... YOU ARE LOVE.

There is no wrong path, we are always on our path, we never stayed from it, it was all, always our path.  I learned this along the way and in that truth I made peace with the parts of my past that I felt guilt, resentment or shame over.  I have looked back over this life of mine with honest eyes and seen where each part of it served me, created me and today I am whole as I AM!






Stand up today and look yourself in the mirror and say... I AM LOVE, I AM CAPABLE, I AM A MIRACLE, I AM POWERFUL.... I AM!

I love you all from right here and right now!

One Love,
Lelania
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