Sunday, February 2, 2014

A journey of self mastery begins with self acceptance~

It has been some time since I have shared here, my work these past weeks has directed me inwardly to seek a honest state of awareness of who I am.  A lot has been happening in my life, so much that I am learning how truly talented I can be in mastering a place of peace in chaos.  Chaos is a great word, and I use it today without any negative inclination attached to it.  The past days have truly taught me the beauty of chaos and all that it has to offer me in growing myself, merging closer with my true self.

My business life is thriving in abundance, my personal life is a series of lessons bringing me so much self awareness.  A trinity of new experiences has entered into my existence, first I have taken a huge step and made it possible for me to enlist the services of a life coach.  For the next six months I am working with Jeff Faldalon, a success coach whom has proven in this past month to be more insightful and talented in reaching deep parts of me than I suspected initially.  Working with him has opened up the floodgates of my soul.  Sounds dramatic I know, well it is!

Facing ourselves, looking in the mirror with no value judgement, with compassion and a true desire to understand who we are is an amazing experience.  The no value judgement part is a challenge initially.  There are parts of us that we are conditioned to avoid, parts that stir up emotions we have been taught to see as bad.  Anger, resentment, regret, guilt, all of which stem from fear and in our need to protect our beliefs about who we are we avoid these feelings, these memories, the parts of ourselves, trying to convince ourselves we are successful in doing so.

Seeing my two sides as good and bad created
 two enemies inside of myself and kept me in constant
battle with myself, a war that has no winner.  Created
distorted self views that needed outer blame and led to
self punishment for the results I got in life.

The truth is that we are not successful when avoiding and suppressing.  They always surface and have their way in our lives through several avenues.  They find ways to say "address me, pay attention to me".  And our need to further avoid these parts of ourselves leads to defenses like projection, isolation, leads us to giving up on facing challenges in life, mainly the biggest challenge of all... embracing all of ourselves, the dark and the light sides of ourselves.

I am giggling as I write this and have a visual of Star Wars scenes, a movie that truly embodies the battle of light and dark sides within ourselves.  When Luke learns that Darth Vader is his father he is very troubled.  When he learns that his father was once aligned with his light side he gains much understanding that there is more than one side to this man in the mask with the heavy breathing who has fully given way to the dark side of himself.

I think we all want to feel good about who we are.  I know that I have avoided dark parts about myself out of fear most my life.  A deep need to cover up the deep dark secret that I carried that I was bad, I was not worthy of love.  I spent my life being a servant to this fear and covering up with acts of kindness that were truly self serving in nature rather than selfless for the sake of kindness.

Facing that truth about myself, accepting that we are all manipulators of sort and spend much of our lives trying to prove we are not our greatest fears of what we are, especially in our younger years.  I am learning more now than ever the freedom that comes from complete self acceptance of all of myself, the light and the dark sides of me.

When we avoid the dark sides of our self, we take a half of ourselves and put it on the other side of a battle field.  We tell a part of ourselves that it is not welcome here, where is it that we think that side of our self is to go?  It is a part of us, and when we deny it the love we were created to have for ourselves it is left in the dark, cold, recesses of ourselves to grow lonely and angry.  Our dark side will not sit quietly and be denied the love it deserves, it will find ways in it's confused and wounded state to act out.  Ways that would not be needed if we understood the true nature and purpose of our dark side.

First I had to embrace the understanding that it is not about good and bad.  Putting my light and dark side into categories of good and bad or good and evil creates a constant desire to associate myself with the good side and deny the bad/evil side of me.  Viewing parts of ourselves as bad or evil is a very slippery slope that leads to thoughts & behaviors that do not serve us.  It leads to outer blame, taking the position as the victim of something or someone else, it leads to addictions to avoid the feelings and consequences of our actions related to the feelings.  I have lost great relationships in my life while on this slippery slope.  I have engaged in addictions, I have lived creating a repeat cycle of being the victim and feeling sorry for myself.

The biggest "AH-HA" moment for me was the very moment I understood that there is no good and bad, only two sides, both valuable and both needed for my souls growth.  I began to look at this human experience on Earth School as education for my highest self with no grades only advancement.


All of our emotions serve us, when we take ourselves out of the moment, raise above our self and take the view of a child, look upon ourselves with the eyes and heart of a child as the observer we let go of judgement and embrace the beautiful lessons to be learned.  We understand that our experiences serve us by stirring up emotions in us that are there to tell us something, there to give us the opportunity to look at ourselves and choose which thoughts and actions serve us toward being our best self.

When we embrace the dark side of us, offer it a place at the table and truly enjoy the contrast of our dark and light side we begin the great debates that lead to enlightenment of who we are.  We are both our light and our dark side with neither being less valued, neither being judged.  They are the two sides of us that make us whole and both are valuable teachers.

Our dark side emotions serve us in so many ways, the serve as warnings in times of danger, the fuel us to challenge ourselves, to be self competitive.  When we have a healthy relationship with the dark emotions in us we see clearly how they serve us.  When we do not we use defenses to deny them and lose the lesson they offer us.

Having a health relationship with both sides of ourselves creates a harmounious balance where an internal dialog can take place with both sides of ourselves working together with a common goal of what is best for the whole.  Our dark side wants to be a part of that beautiful balance and when it is included, embraced with love it is a powerful force in us that joins hands with the light sides of us and leads us down a great path of self mastery.

This week in particular I have been gifted great moments of realization about this.  I had the most amazing meditation I have ever experienced.  New relationships have surfaced in my life to support me on this quest of self love and complete balance of my dark and light side.  It has not been easy, and it has been so easy all at the same time, haha.

It is the balance of  simultaneously making everything about myself and nothing about myself that I have gained true understanding of how my life works for me rather than against me.  In making nothing about me I am referring to taking nothing personal from my external world.  In doing so I can see from my heart that someone else is hurting rather than choosing to hurt myself.  In making everything about me I am referring to taking responsibility for everything that I attract into my life and knowing that all of it has been attracted to me with the opportunity learn from it.  In doing so I fell gratitude for the lesson rather than a choosing to place blame or form judgments.

I love you all from a place of excitement for the connections forming inside of me, the bond of my dark and light side that is creating a more whole me.  I encourage you to embrace all of you, it is truly an enlightening experience that renders a feeling of such freedom and empowerment.

One Love,

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