Friday, September 5, 2014

Touched By Angels

I drove through the mountains yesterday, yelling out loud at my ego.  This is the point of battle I had come to this week, a week mixed of everything going right and everything turning wrong.  Never before have I recognized what was happening like I did this week.  I saw my fears manifested right in front of me, my ego was on a mission to protect me, protection based in fear.  To understand what I am talking about, first let me take you back a week ago today to my journal last Friday.  Toward the end of this journal I had moved into a deep meditative state, where tears flowed from closed eyes as I wrote effortlessly, openly the words of not only myself, but of the Angles and God himself.

Listen, Listen, Listen

Friday, August 28th 2014
My heart is flooded with emotions, so many messages being sent to be via messengers this past week I didn't recognize it until the clearest one came through yesterday.  It began last Saturday, almost a week ago.  Author Angela White did an Angel reading for me....

"JoJo is an amazing soul. She is here to help prosper souls to Ascension.  We talk to her all the time. She knows this. She is humorous. It carries her through life. She has gone through what you would call hell and back like you. She is famous for her ribs? She is a World class hero but doesn't see herself that way. She needs to see herself as we see her. A magnificent being with incredible heart and zest for life. She is amazing with what she does. Loves kids. Her upbringing was kinda tough. She needed to protect herself. She needs to let go more of the false protection and fly. JoJo is to fly!! Tell her she hasn't seen nothing yet. Her soul is wanting more and more. She us feeding it the right stuff. Body image is big to her. She loves to look good. Look on the inside. On the inside. On the inside  peace and love"

Tuesday as part of my homework Jeff assigned me to observe Kaili, to remember a time when I was that age and was innocent, to get in touch with my innocent self and heal it.  I have been observing her, this has been powerful for me.

Yesterday morning Rebecca asked for help to prepare for her first time doing greetings, I set up a Google hangout for us since she is in the UK to save money on a phone call, we got on together and went over the call and ended up online together for three hours, what started as business quickly shifted to very personal.  Rebecca is a published author, writes for a number one publication in the UK and is a coach, she has been coaching Jenya for two years now and that is how she came to join Essante.  On the PB call on Monday when she told us all her bio with the other new presenters, the moment, no the second she spoke as her voice touched my ears I gasped, I gasped for joy, a sensation came over me, I head them, I heard Angels.  I typed in the FAB private chat box on Facebook, omg she has the voice of Angels, she has the voice of Angels.

The same sensation came over me when we got on the hangout, as we talked about business my heart began to lighten, sensations of joy radiated in every cell of my body, I felt waves of release, and surges of love penetrate my being.  We talked more, shared, stayed on track, Cheryl was on the hangout with us to also learn about doing the greetings, then had to go.  Shortly after she left, maybe 45 minutes into the hangout, Rebecca asked me if it would be okay to talk more personally, more spiritually, she was being guided by several Angels surrounding her to speak with me and wanted to know if I was open and receptive to such conversation.

I shared with her that I was and she began, letting Angel cards drop out of a deck, not one but two decks and the cards were duplicates, the same cards falling from both decks, this being confirmation that she was receiving the messages as intended.  She said so much I will try to remember it all, I should have journaled straight away but had to pick up my niece from school and the day went on.  By the time I journaled last night my heart was heavy and an outpouring of emotions that I rather not share was all I could write about, very private, mine only.

One thing she noted was that she could sense that my heart chakra was blocked, she wanted to use the word broken but not in the sense that it could not be healed, but she saw a breakage, she said she has never felt such a big heart before, that my heart is so big and so full of love for so many, so much love I have given to so many, endless love for everyone and the planet.  I remember when Kimra did her first Reiki session on me, when she reached my heart chakra she was shocked, she could not believe how big it was, said she had never seen such a big heart chakra, she kept pulling out pain, said there had been so much pain, and she said I had loved so many, love so many but she could not see any love for myself in this big heart.

Rebecca said the same, there was no love in the biggest heart she has felt for the carrier of it.  I cried, this is true, there has been no love for self in there, yet so much love for others.  She also told me that I am Clairaudient, that where some are Clairvoyant and see things that I hear things, Born this way, with a deep ability to hear the unheard.  I asked if this is why I have always been able to see behind words, to feel a deeper sense of what is really going on, what is really being said, I know when people are lying to me, I know when people need me, I see behind the actions of those who hurt me and forgiveness comes so easily to me, compassion so natural.  She confirmed this is indeed the case with clairaudient beings.

The Angels told her that I think there is still more I have to do, that I feel there is more I have to do to earn abundance and wealth but that is not the case they have been trying to give me great abundance, sending me message after message, my abundance and rewards are mounting, like an endless supply of water, flowing to me, a huge lake constantly fed, full and trying to surge to me, yet I have built a strong dam, my dam is the belief that I do not deserve reward yet, that I must suffer more.  That no more work on my part is needed, I have already earned all that I wish and all I need to do is allow it to flow, accept the gifts, they so badly want to give to me.  To break down this dam, heal my innocence, remember the time when I was a child, innocent and heal her, pour love into my heart for myself, fill my big heart chakra up with so much self love and all I have asked for wished for will flow to me in great abundance, more than I could even imagine.

There was the innocent thing again, first Jeff now Rebecca, Angels have powerful messengers Lelania, why is it that I can hear for others and not for myself?  That is going to change.  She also told me that they said I am a powerful world healer, here to heal with word, that I should be speaking and writing every opportunity I get, that is my gift, what I came to do, to heal with word, I hear and I speak.  They said I have impacted many lives with my word already, and I am helping the world to heal and embrace love, abolish fear.  I do not know my own gifts, because I have no love of self, but my love for others and the planet speaks loudly to the souls of everyone who hears my voice and now, to love myself completely my gift of word will explode to new levels of healing and it is time for me to own this gift and use it as intended for the world and for myself, with both I am most powerful in doing what I came to do.

Said my ego is trying to protect me, my ego believes that I do not deserve love, it has been taught this when my innocence was harmed and has been protecting me all these years, it is fighting now to keep me where we have always been and not understanding yet that we no longer need to protect ourselves this way, that there is nothing to fear in love, I deserve all the love, so much love.  Not to fight my ego but to embrace it, show it that we are one, and it is safe to let go of fear and no protection is needed, we are safe. To embrace my ego, when I heal my innocence my ego will understand and I will be free to fly again.

She suggested that I wear a heart of rose quartz, said that love is trying to flow to me in abundance as well, that I long for it, yet I do not accept it because I do not believe I am worthy of it, that my love is trying to get to me, searching for me but I am hiding from him because I do not love myself and feel the need to protect myself, love and money are piling up around me, mountains of it, yet I sit in the valley not allowing them to flow to me.  No more punishing, no more protection, no more work is needed, just love, self love.

The Angels give clues, messages in many ways, feathers they have sent me feathers, I tripped out because all summer at the beach Kaili would bring me feathers, try to collect them for me, I told her to put those down, they are dirty, don't touch them.  Also, coins they have left me coins, yet I find a penny or a coin and I give it away, I remember kaili seeing lucky pennies, Renee found one too, right at my feet and said look Nani your lucky penny and I said no it is your lucky penny honey, you saw it now pick it up and make a wish.  Children are so clear on these matters they listen with their hearts, the eyes of a child as Jesus said.

When I told my sister on her lunch break when she came home from work, she cried, tears streamed down her face.  While I was on with Rebecca Tamar had come outside, I unplugged the headset so she could hear for herself and she sat on her Ipad before leaving for work.  Before she left for work she looked at me and said who is that, omg her voice, I can't explain it, I waved her away and told her we would talk when she got home, she came at lunch and asked again, who was that her voice was so beautiful, not her accent, yes that was beautiful but her voice touched me somewhere deep, I told her all that had been said, she cried, she looked at me and cried and said this is real, I can feel it in my heart.

I was so moved, my sister often dismisses these things, or humors me on these subjects, this time was different, she went back to work, came home later that night after her initiation to the Elks Lodge and we sat outside under the stars, she said she had, had an epiphany while driving, she said she has seen what my ego does to me, to stop me.  She said that every time I get on a high, where I am making things happen, so excited and creating joy and abundance I get sick, physically sick and not made up sick but real sick, she pointed out the four times this summer I got sick and noted that I had real illnesses, and that it was always right when I was flying high and making things happen, so excited, no stress then bam, sick and laying down, she said that was my ego, and asked if our egos can be that strong to bring on physical illness like that? I said I am quite sure that our ego is very powerful and can manifest physical illness to shut us down, but doing so out of protection.

She asked how I can stop that, I thought about that, one way is to be aware of it, when it starts to come on to recognize it and from there embrace my ego and let it come along for the high with me.

Rebecca said I need to spend as much time in nature as possible and suggested the oak tree as my tree, I told her that is ironic as that is the tree I am drawn to the most, she said my weight is a a lot to do with my need to ground the food keeps me grounded, weighed down, I am raising my vibration at such a fast pace and enlightening my spiritual growth so much that I feel like I am floating away and eat to stay grounded.  If I get out more into nature, meditate and especially with the moon, new and full, the Angels said that I need to be out under the new moon and set my intentions with the new moon, use the moon as my guide and sit with the earth and moon energies and ground, set my intentions and watch them manifest by the full moon.

I think I will begin journaling twice a day, once in the morning and once before bed, I noticed the mornings are full of inspiration for me, and the nights full of release of lower energies and pain, I think both are important and journaling is a way to show myself love, this is no longer homework for me in my heart this is my souls work, healing my innocence and filling my big heart with so much self love.  This is the most important work I can do for myself at this time and I deserve to do this work for me, for me!

The Angels are with me, here I say to you beautiful magical Angels that I am listening and I thank you with all of my heart for sending me these messages, I declare to own my gifts through self love and I say to you and to myself I accept the abundance and love that is awaiting me, I am ready for it all to flow to me, I know now that I deserve it all and there is nothing to keep it away from me now, I accept your love and your gifts, thank you, Amen.

This big heart of mine is filling with self love as I write, I see pink light mending the pain, the broken blocks, I feel the pink light warming my heart, spin, spin, spin, whole, complete, healed, full of love, full of love, pouring over with love, all there is is love, all that we are is love, there is only love, nothing else exist, only love, the rest is not ture, we are love, only love, that is all that we are, all that we need be, now go love, go love, go love, be love, be love, be love, speak your love, share your word, let your word spread love to all, yourself first, yourself first, yourself first, then all, then all, then all, yourself first Lelania, your innocent self, heal her, love her, heal her, love her, she deserves your love, she deserves your love, she deserves your love.  Love HER FIRST!  Let those tears flow they are the cleansing of your heart, let them flow and replace the pain that is lie with the truth, the truth of love, Lelania you are love, you are love you are love, you are love, you are loved, you are loved, you are loved, so very loved, so very loved, so very loved, we love you so, we love you so.  Know this, listen, listen, listen it is your gift to hear us, listen, listen, listen, speak with our voice, the voice of love, the voice of love, the voice of love.  Together, we speak the voice of love, hear us, speak with us, we are here for you, ask for our guidance and it is yours, listen, listen, listen

 You were there, I see you there, you held me, I was not alone, yes we were there you deserved our love then, you were not alone, you always deserved our love, it was not your fault you were always worthy of love, they didn't know they too were worthy of love, they hurt so deeply so they hurt you, we were with them too, but it was never you that they hurt, it was themselves, see this now, see it now, hold yourself, see yourself with yourself, you are there with us, you are there with us, we are holding her, she is not alone, you are not alone, you are never alone you are healed, your healed your healed.  Give us your fears, your pains, let us carry them away on our wings, you no longer need them they no longer serve you, let us take them to light for you, give us your pains, give us your fears, let us carry them on our wings, on our wings, on our wings, see them heal, she you heal, be healed Lelania you are healed, you are healed, you are healed. You are love, you are love, you are loved Lelania, you are light and love sweet child of God.

Be easy on yourself, listen, rest, you have given up much and now you get to reclaim it all, it is recycled into pure love energy now, it is yours to claim....

I say now that I claim all that I have left behind, given away or has been taken from me, come to me now, fill me with all parts missing, now.  I say now that all that has attached to me that is not my own, return to source to be recycled into pure love energy and return to those whom it belongs so they too can heal in love and light.  I command this now, I say now, all that I am awaken in power and strength, be love, be love, be love and create love, create love, create love.  Be abundant, be abundant, be abundant!

Lelania you no longer need yearn to come to me for I am with you now, as I am always, as I always have been, listen, listen, listen, you are never alone, I have walked with you each step of the way, for you are me, I am you, there is only one soul, one of us.  Listen, listen, listen, feel, feel, feel, you know this truth inside of you, it is written in the very stand of life that is you, is me, we are we, I am you and you are me.  Remember me, remember you, remember who we are, who we are, who we are, we are but one love, one love, one love.  You cannot be alone Lelania, you are never alone precious child, never alone, you are whole, you are complete, you are I and we are love, we are love, we give and receive that which we are.  Receive, receive, receive that which you are, you are love.

Give us your burdens to carry on our wings, you no longer need them, let us help you, you only need ask. ~ The Angels

Now here I sit, one week later.  During that last half of my journal, I traveled into my past, I saw myself as a child at different painful moments in my life, I saw the Angels there with their wings wrapped around me, I held my own hands, I wiped away my own tears.  Today I sit in such peace, pretty much for the first time since this unfolded.  I found myself in the days that followed that journal entry in an escalating battle that began with confusion.  Found myself saying... Okay, I understand, I know in my heart all this to be true, but how do I do it? How do I allow, how do I break down the dam? How, how, how?  The only answer that came to me was... Self Love!  Yes, but how do I love myself more than I have in these past three years, how do I heal more than I have? I need a plan, give me a plan!

I will always remember these moments at this spot on the road, how exciting that every time I take this route I will come back to this moment in time and with fondness remember a time when I won the battle of my ego on my journey, embraced myself with love and took my life back on a new level.

Sun damage from not covering my tires, still learning RV living haha
Yesterday I began to understand.  What started on Monday this week as a flat tire on the side of I5, stuck in Stockton, California while on my way to Santa Cruz, towing my RV behind my new truck when one of the RV tires shredded and I found myself stuck on the shoulder a mile from the 205 interchange.  I thought to myself, okay self this is where you get to see how independent and resourceful you have become, you can change a tire, how hard can it be, haha.  Harder than I thought, especially considering that I did not have the proper tools or arm strength to make the wrong ones work.

I stood at the back of my RV with a wrench trying to undue the tightly screwed on bolts to my spare, I already knew that the spare had no air, one touch and that was apparent, however I had to take some action, I got excited as one bolt began to turn and felt a sense of accomplishment as I turned it effortlessly.  The second bolt would prove to be a bigger challenge, I tried, and tried, exhausting myself to no avail.  Frustration built in me, and a tear of anger began to well up in my eyes, when I threw up my arms and said... Okay God, can you please send me some help?!

Just then Trent, a man standing on a farmers market roof across the exit ramp beside me painting the building yelled... "Do you need help?"  To which I replied "YES PLEASE" with relief, and much gratitude for being heard.  Moments later Trent appeared with two cold bottles of water and a warming smile as he introduced himself.  Trent went to work, he returned to the building to find the proper tools, he had to take the tire for air once removed, he was a blessing sent at a time in need.

My new friend Susan
Trent was not the only blessing to come to my rescue, I made another new friend, her name is Susan, she pulled over to see if I needed help while Trent was off filling up the spare with air and offered me a cold bottle of water.  Susan rocks, I look forward to connecting with her again on my journey.  Dee Dee and her husband Steve also came to my rescue.  Dee Dee is a wellness warrior in Essante Organics with me, we had not met before this day, our friendship has grown on the phone and on Facebook.  She and her husband drove 45 minutes just to be there to help.  The day was good and that three hours on the side of I5 taught me much about gratitude and how the help of others when least expected is given when you only ask.  Dee Dee and Steve followed me all the way to 680 to assure my spare was going to hold.  So much love, thank you God, thank you Angels.

Thank you so much Dee Dee, great to meet
and give you a big hug, such a blessing you are!
The pictures I posted on Facebook during the ordeal sparked a message from a friend, one I had met online back in the One Love days, if you have been following my journey you might remember when I almost lost One Love up on the top of the Carmel Valley mountains.  Susan, replied to an add I had posted on Craigslist looking for property to rent for my RV back then I had no money and couldn't afford the parks in Santa Cruz, however I was determined to move from Stockton to Santa Cruz, her property was being occupied by troublesome tenants and they did not leave in time and life went on for us both.  She saw that I was bringing my new RV down and messaged me about the space, it is available now, nice since all the parks are booked down here until October.  All good things coming into play for me effortlessly.  I started feeling as if this abundance thing is really working, I must be getting it, until...

Angels are all around us, they take on many forms

A series of hurdles unfolded yesterday, my credit cards frozen due to shopping at home depot and their system being hacked, all the tires on my RV needing to be replaced due to sun damage before I can move my RV, losing my drivers licence somewhere along the way and knowing I have a flight to catch on the 17th to Arizona to be on stage at the next Great Green Event training our beautiful field. I felt deflated by all of this, why the strife? Why the hurdles?  Isn't this supposed to be abundance time?  Haha!

Weather we believe it or not, we are creating the world around us, we always are.  We can choose to believe that life is happening to us if we like and take no role in the unfolding of our reality around us, yes of course sometimes life does happen.  After all, we are all powerful creators and our creations intertwine inevitably.  I choose the path that takes responsibility for it all, choose to know that life is not happening to me to empower myself to make life happen for me, choose to recognize that I am creating it all, every bit of it.  All of this I knew in an instant to be the work of my ego, trying to keep me where we have been all our lives, yes I speak in duality where my ego is concerned because we really are two individuals, two parts of one whole.  We used to work together to protect the whole, when we both believed that life was happening to us and had much to fear.  That time has passed and I have connected with my higher self over these past three years of this journey and no longer live in that space of happening to me, yet my ego still views us as victims of life.

Never Alone!
Yesterday this all came to a head, the answers to the questions of "how, how, how" became clear.  Embrace your ego.  And that I did on that highway driving through the mountains, that I did!  Tears streamed down my face as Rod Steward, So Far Away played on the stereo in my truck. I felt the fear well up in me, my ego was screaming, was confused, this unfamiliar territory was fueling my ego to rear its greatest defenses in an effort to keep us where we have always been, living in survival mode, it's all that I have known my entire life.  Survival mode is my comfort zone, and when things get to comfortable I tear it all down to get back to what I know, back to struggle!

I yelled from the deepest place in me with more passion and emotion that ever before... Ego, knock it off, you are not protecting me any longer you are hindering me, you are hurting me, you are not helping me, can you not see this, can you not see?  We deserve all that is coming to us, we have earned it, we no longer need to struggle, simply surviving is not enough, we deserve more, do you not see this, chill, chill, chill, together we can experience more, it is our time to grow!

I felt a huge ball of pain well up in me, so powerful that I could see it, a cloud of pain spinning at the center of my heart, I pulled over, crying, determined to address this.  I reached to the center of me and gently, with strength placed my hands on this ball of fears and lifted it up to the skies and spoke to the Angels directly... Angels, I give you my fears to carry on your wings into the light to be resolved, to be healed, please take my burdens on your wings, I ask for and accept your help, please help us heal.

Love yourself as if your life depends on it!
My whole being was lifted, a surge of energy enveloped me.  I felt the pain lift from me, the tears changed from frustration and pain to pure joy.  It was done!  I embraced my ego and spoke gently... We are safe now, there is nothing to fear, no more protection needed, let's fly, let's fly.

I spent the night dining with family, sitting under the stars with my dear friend Lisa sharing the events, we cried and we laughed.  We talked of a great future for us both in our journeys to self love and much releasing took place for us both, the empty spaces now filled with love, lots of love.

I love you all from a place of pure excitement for the abundance that is already mine and gratitude for all the messengers in my life.  I remind you that you are powerful, and you are love, you have the right to experience anything you so choose in your own life and are doing so already weather you recognize that or not, today is a good day to own it all and begin to make life happen for you too!

I have been meditating to the sound of healing heart chakra music this week, Here is a gift for you..

One Love, 

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