Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Toxic Free

It has been some time since my thoughts have poured out like they are about to today.   So much has happened since my last entry, it feels as if a lifetime has passed between now and the last time I shared here.  I will begin by saying that this part of my journey is the truest testimony to me of my loving myself enough to make hard choices in my own life, choices that support me, my future, my why for embarking on this life changing journey in my personal and business life.

I have worked long and hard over the past three years to learn to love myself, to learn to put myself first in life.  I have had to imagine the oxygen mask metaphor a lot these past few weeks.  You know, the example of if a plane is crashing... do you put your mask on first and then help others or run about the plane trying to put the mask on others and die trying to do so?  Of course you save yourself first, then you are alive to save others.  Learning this lesson in my own life has been the greatest challenge for me.  I have spent my entire life being of service to others and sacrificing myself to do so.

Over the past three years of this one love journey I have grown personally more than in my entire lifetime.  Making huge strides in the area of self love.  This story serves as an example of how much ground I have made on this goal.  This story is one of plot twists, one of pain, tears, anger, judgement, lies, while it is also one of laughter, joy, excitement, love and triumph.  This story will read differently to each reader, my hope is that to each who read this entry we all remove ourselves from our perceptions of reality and ask ourselves if we each have the right to make choices in our own lives, not weather choices are right or wrong, but a simple answer to a simple question... Do we have the right to make choices for ourselves in our own lives?

I think we can all agree that the answer to this question is undoubtedly, undeniably YES!  Because when posed in that light you cannot answer yes for one and no for another, of course we all have a right to make choices about our own lives.  However, despite the simplicity of this logic, the slew of judgement, lies and misinformation thrown not only my way but toward others who have made a choice for their own futures, their own lives has been plenty.  And coming from some of the most unlikely sources, people we have loved, supported and been of service to repeatedly.

However, the truth is that at the end of the day that is all okay.  I get it, I understand and I myself have been in the shoes that others are wearing right now and learned valuable lessons about the bridges we build or burn in life.  So trust and believe that if you are one of the people reading this who feels these words are about you, let me tell you right now I love you, I understand and I support your right to choose your thoughts, words and actions.  I support your path, if right now your path has to include shutting me out, judging me, talking about me, I support your path still.  I love you still because at the core of us we are one, one soul experiencing this from two experiences and that rocks when you look at the big picture, wow how much we are all learning about who we are right now, each role we play so valuable to the whole of us all.  For that I am filled with gratitude for your role and for my own.

Okay, time to get to the nuts and bolts of the story, because many of you who follow my journey have no idea at all of what I am talking about, haha.  That is because you are not involved in my business world, you are a part of this spiritual journey of mine and I am so blessed to be able to share my journey as I go with you too.  As you know from past entries I have been in the industry of network marketing for some time now, it has become a passion of mine, I fell in love with this industry for the Freedom it offers, the ability to break free of the conditioned mindset that keeps us locked into a system that has failed us.  This industry, I still love so so so much, that being said I must admit that this industry is not without its conditioned mindsets and share of heart ache like any job.

Meanwhile in Santa Cruz, Ca
In the past week I made a choice.  While this choice appeared and was made in the past week, it was not an over night decision, it was an over time decision.  The past six months has been the toughest of my career.  Things have taken place that shook my passion, broke my vision and left me fighting to grasp that love I had in my heart and soul for the path I was on.  On top of that struggle that I am not at liberty to discuss publicly for reasons of threats of lawsuits and such I was also battling with not reaching my goals financially.

 I have worked an average of 10 to 15 hours a day for the past two years, made myself available to everyone in my company anytime they need me.  Put my family on hold, traveled the Country to help others and myself build their business with the promise to my children and grandchildren that their love and patience would pay off in time.

Not reaching my own goals was not the only heartache, the deeper pain came form seeing team members leave with tears in their eyes, hearing the cracking in their voices when they told me with regret they had to move on because they couldn't afford to continue on a path not meeting their goals, even harder was the souls staying plugged in because they believed me that if they just held on they would make it too my level and everything would change.  Sitting down as the end of 2014 dawns and reevaluating my goals, realizing that I have not come close to reaching my financial goals and asking myself if I can feel in alignment with my goals to always act from love as love continuing to lead others to stay plugged into something that was not even rendering me the results they and I thought I should be rendering at this point.  I had to do some serious soul searching and in doing so, in writing all my feelings down in my journal, making lists of what matters most to me, I came to a choice.  A choice to support choices.  A choices to embrace freedom.  A choice to put myself and others who feel like I feel first.  A choice to make a move toward abundance.  After all that is why myself and most joined the industry, to create abundance, to experience freedom, time and financial freedom.

Myself and other leaders have been through much emotional turmoil over all this for some time and have been on the lookout for another opportunity that had what we were lacking where we were, that had the leadership we so strongly desired, we weren't finding anything with all the right pieces to the puzzle until the right time opportunity was dumped right in our laps.  The irony is that we almost dismissed it as quickly as it had been presented to us.  Our blinders had been on so long that we had created a story about what the right move was supposed to look like.  And to be honest we had such high hopes for the issues taking place behind the scenes to be resolved so all of us, ourselves and the entire field could move into that promised land of success.  The truth is that at the end of the day, nothing changed, nothing was resolved and we finally had to ask ourselves the hard questions.  We had to get honest with ourselves and others and make a choice, so we did!

A week has passed since that choice was made, you would think that the world was ending during the first couple days of this hitting the grapevine.  A downward spiral took place, leadership showed it's insecurities and did a great disservice to the entire field of a company by misrepresenting the facts and creating a story to play out that was so far from the truth.  A battle zone formed and people were being pressured to take sides, it was all so bizarre and quite honestly disturbing.  Those of us who were choosing a new path gathered in strength and chose that was not going to be a part of our reality, to move forward taking the higher road as best we could, emotions were rough, feelings were hurt, tears ran deep.  But we wiped our tears away, we brushed our shoulders off and we moved forward with what we knew in our heart was a great choice for ourselves and for those like ourselves in this industry who joined it to earn a living, to fire their bosses, to put their kids through college, to retire their spouses.  Those like us who wanted to create abundance in their lives.  We moved forward.

In the past week so much has happened, those who have joined us have found success in just a few days where they had none in a few years.  I cannot tell you what it feels like to wake up to someone screaming on the phone in tears of excitement, telling you that they want to kiss you so big right now, thanking you for having the intelligence to see this, the courage to make this choice because for the first time they feel like they can do this, for the first time people are excited to listen to them, how relieved they are not to be so quickly rejected.  I cannot tell you how much joy there is in knowing that I am truly helping others do what they came here to do, to earn an abundant living.  Those calls have been the evidence to the decision we made, evidence that we made the right choice for the right reasons.

Those calls have helped to make all the other stuff fade into the background like the sound of traffic downed out by a great song that takes you back to a time in life when you laughed, when you danced, when you were joy.  Throughout the song that is playing, and the dancing, the singing taking place over here the sound of traffic has broke through a time or two to remind us that there is still anger and pain taking place, that there is still a mob mentality of judgement going on.  And to that today I have to say, I love you, and it is okay.  We are walking our path, we support you walking yours even if you cannot do it without slinging mud our way, our rain boots are on and we are dancing in your mud because we know that one day soon the sun will shine through these stormy days and everyone will see things in a new light, and all will be fine and it is now, as it is now.  We love you still.

I love you all from a place of having the courage to love myself and support you learning that you too have the right love you.

One Love,

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