Monday, September 14, 2015

I AM Forgiveness

Driving through the breath taking mountains between Scotts Valley and Felton, I was singing to my little sister, much like our father used to sing to us.  I remember, he used to make you look at him, oh I miss you Daddy.

We were on our way to get pedicures. Sister pedi day was our plan of escape from the heat wave, and our mountain home with no air conditioning.  She interrupted my signing... "Hey want to go get massages instead, there is a new place that just opened up in Scotts Valley, let"s go get full body massages"  Her eyebrow raised and a smile on her face.  Massages it was.

Sisters Massage Day

A full hour of the deepest tissue massage, her hands were hands of a healer and she seemed to zone in on my most tender spot near my kidneys throughout the duration of the massage.  She worked my entire body, but kept coming back to that one spot.  I have been dealing with kidney issues all weekend, what I thought was a kidney infection now looks like stones too large to pass.

Afterward, I sat up and the room began to spin. I was unstable and could barely stand. I felt as if I were drugged.  My sister explained that toxins were likely released from the deep tissue massage and suggested I drink a lot of water.  We returned home.  She left for a bike ride with a friend and I made a huge glass of pink salt water, downed two reserves and headed for the couch.  Conducted a couple business calls. Still dizzy and quite euphoric feeling, I ended my last call with my business partner Amanda, deciding to do a guided meditation.

I had a tab already up on my browser from one of the many spiritual sites I follow and simply typed into the search option of that blog... 'guided meditation'. Plugged in my head phones, positioned myself on my couch in a comfortable position, and hit play.

The normal resistance I battle often in meditation was absent in my euphoric state of light headedness. The next 20 or so minutes became a beautiful journey of me pulling everything in existence into my heart center, all of it, every moment in time, every event, all that is, and forgiving it all. As the audio came to an end I let my earphones fall to the pillow and drifted deeper into myself. The drumming of the two fans blowing, combined with the sound of my own heart beat became music for an internal dance taking place, and the words I Am Forgiveness flowed through me, as me.  It was magical.

I woke this morning, noticing the dizziness was no longer there as I sat on the edge of my bed saying thank you and repeating I Am Forgiveness three times.  My day had begun, and I knew in some way that today was going to be a very special day.  As the sun rose I sat basking in it, bare feet planted on the earth.  I closed my eyes, absorbing the rays, and just was.  What I mean by that is normally there is this routine - I visualize grounding with the earth, taking in Christ light and so on. It's the routine I do to get all meditatie. haha.  

Not today. Today I just chose to not care what was happening, and consciously chose to just let the sun and the earth do their thing while I enjoyed the nothingness of it all.  That was one of the most amazing choices I could have ever made.  Why didn't I think of this before, hahaha Thinking being the key word here.  Sometimes we just need to stop thinking and just be.  Tell the mind to chill out and just flow with life.  I went deep into nothingness and when I opened my eyes everything looked like a dream, I saw the sun penetrating my skin, little lights, light fireflies dancing everywhere, entering my body, dancing through me.  It was unexplainable, so I won't even try to explain it here.  It just rocked, let me tell you that.

As the day went on I was given a few powerful opportunities to be forgiveness, and to help others be the same.  Not once in any of it did I attach to any of it, and in not doing so I was much more effective in being of service and wasted no energy.  

On a deeper level I saw how being forgiveness in action transformed not only myself, it transformed others, it transformed situations.  You see, we are all walking around carry a bunch of garbage. Yeah that's right, it's garbage we carry.  We are walking carrying the poisonous venom or imagined snake bites, and it is killing us. We are dying slowly everyday from carrying pain, anger, resentments, regrets, all of it slowly killing us.

I say imagined snake bites, because, ten times out of ten we misunderstand events. We view them from our ego, identified as our ego, reacting as our ego.  We miss what is beneath the surface ego identification in not only ourselves but in the selves of others.  We miss the truth, masked in the lies.  At the core of every action is the truth that we want to be loved and are afraid that we will not be. At the core of us each is the belief that we are not good enough, that we do not deserve better.  

One Love
And at the core of everyone is the same. So, we are all running around this planet trying to defend our self from our self, imagining that we are defending ourselves against a harsh world full of hurtful experiences and people.  Simply put, we all just want to be loved and accepted.

Let's change that. Lets take it all in and forgive it all, put out love in return.  Let's be forgiveness in motion, beginning with forgiving ourselves.  That's where it all begins after all. It begins in us.  Start today. Look in the mirror and say I am sorry to you and accept your own apology.  Say I am sorry I hurt you when, Accept your apology.  Begin forgiving yourself and then forgive them.  Forgive them all.  Forgive the planet.

I love you all from a place of freedom from the venom that was killing me too.  I forgive you, I forgive us all.  You are love, remembering who you are, returning to love, how cool is that? Pretty cool!

One Love,
Lelania

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