Thursday, October 1, 2015

Three men and a bank...

It was a day like any other, errands to run and things to be done.  And it was a morning like most mornings. I awoke in joy, sat on the edge of my bed saying thank you in prayers of gratitude for another adventure about to unfold.  I said my "I Am's" and felt excited as I stepped out of bed smelling the comforting scent of coffee that grew stronger as I made my way to the kitchen.  Yes, today was going to be a great day.

The first sip of warm coffee tasted awesome, sitting at my desk looking out over the ridge where the first bit of sunshine was reaching over the to moutains, lighting up everything it touched in golden shimmers, I said out loud, Lord please allow me to be of service today. And the day began.

Showered and dressed up I headed out to get my list of errands complete.  I often get dressed up to do simple things like the grocery shopping, doctor appointments and going to the bank.  Working from home makes simple outings something special, being that I am allotted the luxury of working in my pajamas all day if I so choose to do so.

I showed up for my doctors appointment only to discover I was a week early.  Fortunately there was a no show so I got right in and right out.  But not before a couple of moments in the waiting room where an elderly lady and her granddaughter were waiting.  I struck up a conversation with them to discover that they were quite frustrated that they had been waiting over an hour and a half.  As soon as they voiced their complaint her granddaughter was called in, leaving her and I alone in the waiting room.  She continued to tell me of how so many others had come and gone since they got there.  I smiled and replied... You know, I have a belief that we are always exactly where we are meant to be, when we are meant to be there.  Maybe, just maybe you have had to wait here to avoid some terrible accident out there.  Maybe there is another reason, whatever the reason it reminds me of the many years of my own life that I spent upset, always in a hurry to get to places I don't even remember now.  All that time I spent upset surely got me there no quicker and certainly lessoned the enjoyment of any experiences I could have had while getting there.  And I was called in.

As I left she looked up from her book and stopped me to thank me.  Her eyes were lit up as she expressed her gratitude for what she said changed everything.  I was grateful for the moment and gave her a hug before heading out to my next errand, the bank.

I walked in, there was a line and one teller.  One man stood at the window being serviced.  One ahead of me and another joined behind me.  The man at the window had to wait as the teller went to get approval for something and turned to view his surroundings.  Caught my eyes, and said... Hey you, I know you. It was one of my life long friends ex husbands.  We engaged in conversation, I explained to him I had moved back to Santa Cruz and gotten a nice house in the mountains with my little sister as she is going through a divorce, sharing that I am blessed to be support during these big life changes to her and the kids.  He shared that his divorce was almost final and exclaimed sarcastically... FINALLY!

The man in line ahead of me chimed in and said... You know what the only good thing about divorce is? That it's final.  And they both laughed.  They started to go further into their war stories and I spoke up and interrupted them, without even thinking I said,.. Hey guys, you know we don't have to wait until we hate someone to go our own separate ways.  It is perfectly okay to recognize that it is time to walk our own paths while we still love each other.  True love means I love you enough that I want to see you happy, even if that is without me.  They both became silent and nodded their heads. The teller returned, My friend left and the man ahead took his place as the man behind me said quietly... Unless there are kids involved.

I turned to see the visible pain in his eyes.  Smiled and said calmly and reassuringly... You know, I think sometimes it is better for children to grow up with two happy parents in two homes than in one broken, unhappy home.  His eyes welled up.  Silent for a moment, then he tried to speak, paused, eyes welling up again.  I reached out my hands to his and there I stood in the line at the bank holding this strangers hands in reassurance as he began to speak again... You know we were done nine years ago.  We both knew it.  We didn't hate each other, we just knew that it was over, but we found out she was pregnant, so I did the right thing.

Still holding his hands, looking him in the eyes I said... Well honey if you have made the choice to commit to this lifetime of being together for the kids, then maybe, you can commit to trying to fall back in love with her.  And if you cannot do that, do her, the kids and you a favor and be an example of what choosing a life of love and joy is, not what it isn't.

I felt the calm of a deep realization come over him. He thanked me deeply, and we released hands.  It was my turn at the teller, I handled my business and turned to leave, but not before making eye contact with him again. I saw some joy in his eyes as he said again... Thank you.

As I drove through the mountains home, wind blowing in my hair, trees swaying in beat with John Mayer, I thought of times in my own life where I had to get to a place of literally despising someone to have the courage to leave, the same as with other areas of life, jobs, friendships, etc...  I laughed out loud at the emotional immaturity of my understanding of love, of friendship, of business choices.  And I felt so good about where I am growing into now at this point in my life.

Early experiences in my career have served me greatly in learning that I do not have to paint anyone or anything as the enemy to move onto something new.  Now I recognize it all around me.  People leave one company and have to state all the reasons why it sucked, a huge case built up in our own minds to defend our choice to do something else. Or someone leaves the industry all together and now hates the very industry they made all these wonderful friendships and had all this amazing growth in.  Not so different than leaving any relationship.

We do not have to discount the great moments, the joy, the journey that we once loved, were once excited about to embark on a new one.  We learn this as we gain some emotional maturity in life.  We learn that we can own our choices as simply a choice that is best for us, and feel no need to defend it with a story of how we were wronged in some way or excuses for wronging others.  The truth is that we have a right to make choices in life. And regardless of the outcome of our choices, we can learn great lessons from the losses as much as the wins when we exercise some emotional maturity.

We don't have to wait until we hate someone or something to move on to something new.  We simply have to have the confidence and courage to, with love, share with those our choices effect, honestly and compassionately why we are making choices.  No blame is needed, simply enough love to allow yourself the very same that you would allow them, to make a choice that is best for ourselves.

That doesn't always mean that your choices will be received with the same love you are sharing them with.  Again, some emotional maturity goes a long way here too.  Recognizing that anothers response is based on their own feelings, feelings that could easily be coming from a place of fear and pain and offering some compassion and empathy in return. If your heart is centered in love through it all, first self love, loving yourself enough to be honest with yourself, then loving others enough to be honest with them.  The end result no matter how long it takes to reach will be love for everyone.  Sometimes it will take time.  That does not relieve us of our responsibility for how we behave.  No one makes us do anything or feel anyway, it is always a choice, always!

The day ended with gratitude for my morning prayers, of being of service, answered. And a great feeling of gratitude for the reminders on my own path of the importance of supporting choices, mine, yours, hers, his.  The importance of loving myself and others enough to remember that the moment I decide that my choices are the only right choice, I take away my own right to make choices.

I love you all from a place of giggles remembering me standing in a bank with three men, holding hands with one, sharing a moment of council.  It must have been an interesting picture to see, hahaha.

One Love,
Lelania
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1 comment:

  1. Thank you for the daily inspiration. I just love you to pieces. Definitely needed this message today
    Jen

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